#I like that it's this additional layer to the friendship as they get to know each other

[booasaur]

wtFOCK - 7x03

[mrsfancyferrari]

Good Luck Kiss

Summary: Lando is a fully independent guy until you are around.

Song: Under The Influence by Chris Brown

Author’s note: I can't write short stories to save my life. I hope you enjoy this long journey which may take a full day to read. Please like, reblog and share this! <3

Word count: 8.6k

Once upon a time, in the bustling world of Formula 1, there lived a young and aspiring driver named Lando Norris. Lando was known for his quick reflexes, fearless racing style, and unwavering determination.

However, there was one aspect about Lando that many people didn't know - he was a fully independent guy, except for when he was around a certain someone.

It all started when Lando Norris attended the annual Formula 1 convention.

Amidst the glitz and glamour of the event, he stumbled upon a mysterious stranger. The woman's name was Y/N, and you were equally passionate about motorsports.

The two instantly connected over your shared love for speed and adrenaline.

As they chatted, Lando couldn't help but be drawn to your infectious laughter and genuine enthusiasm. They spent the entire evening together, discussing their favorite races, memorable moments, and even daring each other to try out some racing simulators.

It was a night that neither of them would ever forget, as they had found in each other a kindred spirit and a racing partner like no other.

"Wow! You're good," Lando said, flirting/teasing. "You should come over to the McLaren paddock to check it out," he added with a mischievous grin, knowing that you couldn't resist the chance to get a behind-the-scenes look at the heart of Formula 1.

"You're inviting me to the McLaren paddock? Are you serious?" you asked, a mix of excitement and disbelief evident in your voice.

"I would absolutely love to! That's like a dream come true for any Formula 1 fan," you replied, unable to contain your excitement.

Lando smirked, already getting used to your smile. "Well, get ready for the ride of your life," he said, his eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Because once you step into the McLaren paddock, you'll never want to leave."

Fast forward to the present, you had become Lando's best friend and constant companion both on and off the racetrack. You were there to support him through every victory and to lift him up during the challenging moments.

Together, you formed an unbreakable bond, a dynamic duo that pushed each other to new heights. Whether it was strategizing race tactics, cheering from the pit lane, or simply sharing a laugh after a long day, you were inseparable.

The McLaren paddock had become a second home for you, a place where memories were made, dreams were pursued, and the thrill of Formula 1 was lived to the fullest.

In addition to your close friendship with Lando, you also formed strong connections with the other drivers and their partners. The paddock became a tight-knit community where you shared laughs, stories, and even the occasional friendly competition.

It was a unique bond that extended beyond the racetrack, creating lifelong friendships that would continue to flourish even after the checkered flag fell.

As time went on, Lando found himself spending more and more time with you when they weren't in the paddock, and the press kept catching them together. Speculations about a romantic relationship between the two of you started circulating, fueling rumors and adding an extra layer of excitement to your already thrilling lives.

However, both of you remained tight-lipped about the nature of your relationship, preferring to keep it private and let the speculation run its course.

"Have you heard the latest rumors about Y/N and Lando? They're definitely more than just friends, I can feel it!" one fan excitedly whispered to another in the paddock.

"I don't know, they've always been so secretive about their relationship. But I wouldn't be surprised if they're actually together," replied another, their eyes fixated on you and Lando as you laughed together nearby.

"I heard they're the perfect match, both on and off the track. They bring out the best in each other," chimed in a journalist, discreetly taking notes.

"Well, whatever their relationship status is, they make a formidable team. I've never seen Lando so focused and driven before," commented a fellow driver, watching Lando's improved performance.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see if they ever confirm it. But until then, I'm rooting for them," concluded a teammate, smiling in support. . . .

"Where's Y/N?" Lando complained, sulking after not seeing his best friend for three hours.

This morning, he was required to film a go kart video for Quadrant for their marketing campaign and it was suggested that you be a part of it, which he had no problem with at all, he wanted you to be there regardless.

"Don't worry mate, I'm sure your girlfriend will be here soon," Max teased, nudging his shoulder against Lando's.

Lando gently shoved him back for his comment, a playful smile on his face. "She's not my girlfriend, Max. Y/N and I are just really close friends," he clarified, emphasizing the word 'friend' to make his point.

Deep down, though, Lando couldn't help but wonder if there could ever be something more between them.

"Yeah, yeah," Max replied, not believing him one bit. "I've seen the way you two look at each other. There's definitely something more going on there, mate."

Before Lando could talk back, footsteps were heard, and you emerged from the crowd of staff.

You emerged from the crowd of staff, donning a sleek black leather jacket that hugged your figure perfectly. Underneath, you wore a vibrant orange crop top that accentuated your curves and matched the colour of the McLaren, paired with high-waisted jeans that showcased your long legs.

Completing the ensemble were a pair of white sneakers that added a touch of casual coolness to your overall look.

As you approached Lando and Max, the mischievous smile on your lips hinted at the adventures that awaited the three of you, fueling Lando's curiosity even further about the potential for something more than just friendship between you.

"Sorry I'm late, boys. Traffic was a nightmare," you said, smiling at Lando, who couldn't help but blush at the sight of you.

"It's okay, we can start now," Lando assured, avoiding your eyes to calm down a bit.

"But when I'm 5 minutes late, I get yelled at," Max muttered beside him and received another shove from Lando.

Lando took a deep breath, trying to collect his thoughts as he prepared to introduce the go-karting video.

With you and Max standing beside him, he couldn't help but feel a surge of nervous excitement. "Alright, everyone, welcome to Quadrant's go-karting extravaganza!" Lando exclaimed, his voice filled with enthusiasm.

"Today, we have two special guests joining us for some adrenaline-pumping action. Please give a warm welcome to the one and only Y/N and the ever-competitive Max!"

The crowd cheered, and Lando glanced at you. A mixture of anticipation and something else he couldn't quite put his finger on coursing through him.

Max playfully nudged Lando's shoulder, adding, "And let me tell you, folks, the competition between Lando and Y/N is about to get intense. I can't wait to see who comes out on top!"

After explaining the rules, the three of them started to change into their racing suits. Max slipped into his familiar Red Bull suit, while you and Lando excitedly put on the McLaren suits.

As Lando muttered, "Let me help you with that," he reached for your helmet, his fingers grazing your cheek as he brushed your hair away.

The intensity in his eyes remained unbroken as he carefully positioned the helmet on your head, his touch lingering for a moment longer than necessary.

"Oh my god! You two better get a room," Max said beside you two, looking more frustrated than the two of you felt about your feelings for each other.

Lando quickly let go of you, a faint blush still lingering on his cheeks, and you said a quick thank you before rushing over to where Max was since it was you vs Max first.

The anticipation and excitement in the air was palpable as you both prepared to show off your go-karting skills.

You both got into your go-karts with the determination to start the video with a great race to capture the viewer's attention.

You gripped the wheel of your go-kart tightly, your heart pounding with anticipation. Lando raised the starter pistol, his eyes focused on the track ahead. "On your marks... get set..." He paused, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "Go!"

The sound of the pistol echoed through the air, and you and Max shot off like lightning. The thrill of the race fueled your determination to come out on top.

The wind whipped through your hair as you maneuvered your kart around the bends. The thrill of the race pushing you to your limits. As the laps flew by, the competition between you and Max intensified, fueling the adrenaline coursing through your veins.

With adrenaline coursing through your veins, you pressed down on the accelerator and zoomed ahead, determined to showcase your go-karting skills. Max, however, was not far behind, and the friendly competition between the two of you intensified as you maneuvered through the twists and turns of the track.

Max was hot on your tail, his competitive nature driving him to catch up and surpass you. The cheers from the crowd faded into the background as you focused on the twists and turns of the track, determined to give it your all.

The wind whipped against your face, causing your cheeks to flush with exhilaration. Every twist and turn of the track sent a surge of adrenaline through your veins, heightening your senses and sharpening your focus. The vibrations from the go-kart's engine reverberated through your body, adding to the excitement of the race.

As the race continued, you and Max pushed each other to the limits, maneuvering through the twists and turns with precision and skill. The crowd cheered as you both showcased your go-karting prowess, but Max's determination proved to be unmatched.

In the final lap, he made a daring move, overtaking you with a burst of speed that left you in awe. With a triumphant smile, Max crossed the finish line, claiming victory in the race.

Despite the disappointment of not winning, you couldn't help but admire Max's talent and sportsmanship, knowing that you had given it your all in a thrilling and unforgettable race.

Lando quickly ran over to you as you got out of the go-kart to check for any injuries while you assured him that you were fine.

Despite the loss, you couldn't help but feel a sense of pride for the exhilarating race you had just experienced.

"What about me? I think my legs hurt," Max muttered, acting like he broke his leg.

"That's karma for you," Lando replied, "You should have let Y/N win,"

"Never," Max said with a smirk, "I'm not one to let someone win just out of pity." Lando chuckled and patted Max on the back, "Well, Y/N certainly gave you a run for your money. It was an incredible race to watch."

Max's competitive spirit still brimming, he replied, "Yeah, they did. I'll give them that. But next time, I won't be so merciful."

You chuckle and playfully retort, "Oh, so you're admitting that you were being merciful this time?"

Max rolls his eyes and smirks, "Just you wait, next time I won't hold back and you won't stand a chance."

You and Lando got into your go-karts, the engines roaring to life as you prepared for the race. The smell of burning rubber filled the air, adding to the anticipation of the competition.

"Am I going to get my good luck kiss?" Lando teased beside you, causing a playful smile to spread across your face.

You playfully roll your eyes at Lando's comment and give him a playful shove. "You wish," you respond with a smirk.

Lando pleads, "Come on, just one good luck kiss! It worked last time!"

You laugh and shake your head, "Sorry, Lando, but I don't think a kiss will give you an advantage this time. You'll have to rely on your own skills."

Lando pouted, feeling disappointed that things didn't go his way. Max, who had been growing increasingly disgusted by the playful "flirting" between you and Lando, decided to take matters into his own hands.

Without warning, he fired the starting pistol, catching both you and Lando off guard and initiating the race with a bang. The sudden sound echoed through the air, signaling the beginning of another intense competition.

The race started off with a flurry of speed and adrenaline as you and Lando maneuvered your go-karts through the twists and turns of the track. Both of you showcased impressive skills, overtaking each other and pushing the limits of your vehicles.

As the race progressed, Lando began to gain a slight edge, skillfully navigating the corners and maximizing his speed on the straightaways. You gave it your all, refusing to let Lando take the lead without a fight. But despite your best efforts, Lando's expertise and precision behind the wheel proved to be unmatched.

You could feel the wind from Lando's go-kart as he zoomed past the front of your car, leaving you in his dust. His maneuver was both impressive and frustrating, as you had been neck-and-neck for most of the race.

"Hey, I thought you would take it easy on her?" Max asked Lando after he got out of the go-kart.

Lando chuckled and shrugged, " Since she wouldn't give me what I wanted, I had no choice but to do it."

"You would have won regardless, with or without the kiss," you said, also getting out of the go-kart. "It was a great race, Lando. You really showed your skill out there."

Lando grinned, still catching his breath. "Thanks Y/N."

Since you were tired from all the racing, the two guys decided to do some mini games to pass the time while you rested on a chair. They set up a table tennis table and started a friendly match, their competitive spirits still shining through.

As they played, you watched with amusement, enjoying the lighthearted banter and laughter that filled the air.

Occasionally, they would invite you to join in, but you declined, content to relax and soak in the camaraderie that had developed between the three of you.

After a few rounds of table tennis, they moved on to a game of darts, taking turns aiming for the bullseye with precision and skill. It was a refreshing change of pace from the intense racing, and you found yourself appreciating the moment of respite.

As you laid back on the chair, you started to fall asleep, the sounds of their laughter and the clinking of darts fading into the background. The exhaustion from the race and the adrenaline rush began to take its toll, and before you knew it, you drifted off into a peaceful slumber, feeling grateful for the bonds of friendship that had been formed during this exhilarating competition.

You knew that there would likely be photos or videos taken of you sleeping, but at that moment, you didn't care. The fatigue from the race had overtaken you, and all you wanted was a peaceful nap.

The trust and camaraderie you had built with Lando and Max allowed you to let your guard down, knowing that even if embarrassing moments were captured, they would remain within the circle of friendship.

The intense racing had left you physically and mentally drained, making the peaceful slumber that followed even more satisfying.

The adrenaline rush and the exertion of pushing yourself to the limit had taken a toll on your energy levels, and the nap provided a much-needed opportunity to recharge and recover. . . .

As you slowly opened your eyes, you were greeted by the refreshing sensation of coolness and shade. You thought the sun had shifted and now cast a gentle shadow over the area where you had been napping.

It was a stark contrast to the warmth and brightness that enveloped you before, and you couldn't help but feel grateful for the respite from the scorching heat.

You looked over to see Lando holding an umbrella over you while being on his phone, and couldn't help but feel touched by his thoughtful gesture. Despite being absorbed in his own activities, he had taken the time to shield you from the sun and ensure your comfort.

You couldn't help but admire Lando's striking features. His curly hair, tousled by the wind, framed a face that exuded a combination of youthful energy and maturity beyond his years. His eyes, a vibrant shade of hazel, sparkled with intelligence and a mischievous glint that hinted at his playful nature.

The dimples that appeared when he smiled added an undeniable charm to his already captivating presence. And his infectious laughter, a melodic blend of joy and enthusiasm, never failed to brighten your day.

But it was his kind heart and genuine concern for others that truly set him apart.

His selflessness had been evident in countless small gestures, like now, as he shielded you from the sun without a second thought, demonstrating his unwavering commitment to the happiness and well-being of those around him.

His eyes then flickered up and met your eyes, locking in a moment of connection that sent a jolt of electricity through your body. In that instant, it felt as if time had stopped, and the world around you faded into the background, leaving only the two of you in a bubble of unspoken emotions.

"Well good evening sleepyhead, how long have you been awake?" Lando teased, breaking the enchanting spell between the two of you.

The sound of his voice brought you back to reality, and you couldn't help but blush at being caught in such a vulnerable moment.

"Wait, did you say evening?" you stammered, trying to gather your thoughts.

Lando chuckled softly, his eyes still holding a twinkle of amusement.

"Well, time flies when you're lost in a nap, doesn't it? It's already late afternoon," he replied, a warm smile playing on his lips.

"What about the video?" you asked, sitting in panic that you ruined it because you were asleep.

Lando's smile widened as he reassured you, "Don't worry, we still have time to do the final if you're still up for it. Your nap just added a touch of authenticity to the footage."

You nodded, taking the umbrella off Lando so he could stretch his arm. As he did, you couldn't help but appreciate the way his muscles flexed and the way his sleeves rolled up, revealing his tanned skin.

It was moments like these that made you grateful for the unexpected connections you found in life.

"Finally she has risen from the nap of the century," Max said as soon as he saw the both of you walk into the staff room.

You couldn't help but blush at the teasing remark, but Lando's reassuring presence beside you made you feel at ease.

"We're definitely up for finishing the video today," Lando replied with a confident smile. "We just had a little detour, but we're ready to get back on track."

Lando replied confidently, his eyes glancing at you for confirmation.

You nodded, feeling a surge of excitement and determination to complete the project with the support of your newfound connection.

"I guess I can spend one more hour of my time to beat the both of you in go-karting," Max stated, a mischievous grin spreading across his face.

You couldn't help but exchange a playful glance with Lando, silently accepting the challenge and looking forward to the friendly competition that awaited you.

"Challenge accepted," you replied, a mischievous grin spreading across your face.

The upcoming go-karting race was not just a friendly competition between friends. It was the final showdown between Max and Lando, a battle that would determine once and for all who was the true champion of the track.

As Max and Lando did their slow walk for the video, the tension in the air was palpable. This final race was not just about winning a trophy; it was about pride, honor, and the ultimate bragging rights among friends.

The tension in the air was palpable, and everyone knew that this race would be the ultimate test of skill and determination for both competitors.

As they got into their go-karts, Lando gestured for you to come over.

Curiosity piqued, you approached Lando's go-kart, wondering what he had in store.

He leaned in and whispered, "I'm going to need my good luck kiss if you want me to win this race."

"Well," you whispered back with a mischievous glint in your eye, "if it's good luck you're after, I suppose I have no choice but to oblige. After all, we wouldn't want anything to hinder our chances of beating Max, would we?"

Lando grinned and nodded in agreement, his eyes gleaming with determination. He knew that every advantage counted in this high-stakes race, and he was willing to go to any lengths to secure the victory.

He also just wanted a kiss from you.

You cupped his face and gently placed your lips on his cheek, giving him the good luck kiss he desired.

As your lips touched Lando's cheek, a surge of warmth and determination spread through Lando's body. It was as if the kiss transferred a sense of confidence, fueling him with an electric energy that would propel Lando forward in the race.

As you pulled away, a spark of excitement passed between you, fueling your determination to win the race and prove to Max once and for all that you and Lando were an unstoppable team.

Lando's ears turned a shade of crimson, but his smile only grew brighter. He couldn't help but feel a surge of anticipation and confidence, knowing that he had your support and the added boost of the good luck kiss.

"Thanks Y/N," he said, his voice filled with gratitude and excitement. "With your good luck kiss, I know we're going to dominate this race and show Max who the true champion is."

With determination in his eyes, Lando strapped on his helmet and revved the engine of his go-kart, prepared to give it his all in the race.

Blushing at his words, you playfully tapped Lando on the shoulder before walking over to the starting line with the starting pistol in hand.

The anticipation in the air was palpable as you raised the pistol, ready to signal the start of the race and unleash the fierce competition between Lando and Max.

The good luck kiss not only symbolized your support for Lando, but it also ignited a newfound confidence within him.

Fueled by the warmth and determination that the kiss brought, Lando was ready to give his all in the race, knowing that he had the power of your love and support behind him, making him unstoppable.

The sound of the starting pistol echoed through the air, piercing the silence and signaling the beginning of the race.

Lando's go-kart shot forward, the engine roaring as he accelerated with a fierce determination. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, his focus fixed solely on the track ahead.

With every twist and turn, he pushed himself to the limit, fueled by the knowledge that he had your love and support propelling him forward.

As the race progressed, Lando skillfully maneuvered through the tight corners and overtaking Max with precision. Each lap brought him closer to victory, and his confidence soared with every successful maneuver. His determination never wavered, and he maintained a steady lead throughout the race.

In the final moments, with the finish line in sight, Lando summoned every ounce of his skill and experience. He pushed his go-kart to its limits, leaving his rival trailing behind.

As he crossed the finish line, a triumphant smile spread across his face.

Lando had emerged as the true champion, proving to Max and everyone else that with your support, he was unstoppable.

He immediately made his way to where you were, quickly jumping out of the go-kart and into your arms. The adrenaline was still pumping through his veins as he held you tightly, his heart filled with a mixture of excitement and gratitude.

Breathing heavily, he looked into your eyes with a mixture of exhilaration and gratitude, knowing that it was your good luck kiss and unwavering support that propelled him to victory.

With tears of joy welling in his eyes, he whispered, "Thank you for believing in me. I couldn't have done it without you."

As you took off Lando's helmet, a mischievous smile spread across your face. Playfully, you pressed kisses all over his cheeks, purposely missing his lips. Lando couldn't help but laugh, feeling the warmth of your love and support enveloping him.

In that moment, he knew that your presence and encouragement were the true driving force behind his victory, and he was forever grateful for your unwavering belief in him.

Lando chuckled, his heart still racing from the intense competition.

"If it's good luck kisses that you need to win races, I'll gladly take as many as you want to give," you replied, playfully wiping off the remaining lipstick stains from his face.

Your presence and support had truly become his secret weapon, fueling him with the determination to conquer any race that lay ahead.

Lando couldn't help but blush at your playful gesture, feeling a surge of happiness and gratitude. "I wouldn't say no to more good luck kisses," he replied with a grin, his heart swelling with love for you.

"But can you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

Lando whispered, his voice barely audible. He pointed to his lips, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "If I win a grand prix, you have to give me a victory kiss right here."

Your heart skipped a beat as you looked into his eyes, realizing that his request was both playful and sincere.

With a smile, you nodded and replied, "Deal. I'll be waiting to give you that grand prix victory kiss."

Lando chuckled, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "I can't wait to win these races and claim my well-deserved victory kiss. You better start practicing your cheering skills because I'm going to need all the luck I can get," he teased, his voice filled with determination and anticipation.

"Trust me, I'll be the loudest cheerleader in the stands, I have no doubt that you'll win every race and I'll be right there cheering you on," you replied, your voice filled with unwavering belief and love.

Lost in the moment, the both of you didn't even hear Max do the outro for the video. The chemistry between you was undeniable, and it seemed like everyone around you could see it.

Max, who had been watching your interactions all day, let out an exasperated sigh. "Are you two ever going to get together?" he muttered under his breath, clearly sick of the two of you dancing around your feelings.

It was time to stop playing games and finally admit what had been obvious to everyone else for so long. . . .

And so, the whispers of Lando and your relationship spread throughout the racing community, with everyone eagerly anticipating the day when you would finally become more than just friends. . . .

The anticipation for the Miami Grand Prix reached fever pitch as fans eagerly awaited your relationship with Lando to blossom. The video had ignited a frenzy of excitement, and spectators couldn't help but wonder if the grand prix victory kiss would be the catalyst for your official union.

The anticipation for the Miami Grand Prix was at an all-time high, fueled not only by the excitement of the race but also by the fans' obsession with your relationship with Lando.

Everywhere you went, people asked when you were going to make it official, eagerly waiting for the victory kiss that had been promised.

The pressure was on, but deep down, you both knew that this race would be a turning point in more ways than one.

As Lando delved into intense discussions with the engineers, you took the opportunity to explore the bustling paddock. The atmosphere was electric, with the sounds of engines revving and the smell of burning rubber filling the air.

You wandered from team to team, immersing yourself in the world of Formula 1, gaining a deeper appreciation for the dedication and precision that went into each race.

The atmosphere was electric, with teams frantically making last-minute adjustments to their cars and fans eagerly snapping photos of their favorite drivers.

As you explored, you couldn't help but feel a mix of excitement and nervousness. The Miami Grand Prix was not only a crucial moment for Lando's racing career but also for your relationship.

"Y/N! Long time no see!" you heard from behind you, turning around to see who it was.

Standing before you was Alexandra Saint Mleux, the renowned fashion influencer and close friend of Lando. Her striking features, with piercing blue eyes and perfectly coiffed blonde hair, seemed to radiate confidence.

She was dressed impeccably, donning a tailored white pantsuit that accentuated her slender figure, paired with a bold statement necklace and stiletto heels, exuding an air of sophistication and glamour.

"Alexandra!" you exclaimed, a smile spreading across your face as you embraced your best friend in the paddock.

It had been far too long since you had seen each other, and you couldn't wait to catch up on all the latest news and gossip.

"How have you been?" Alexandra asked, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. You took a moment to gather your thoughts, eager to share the whirlwind of emotions that had consumed your life since the last time you had seen her.

"Oh, Alexandra, where do I even begin?" you replied, a mix of excitement and nervousness in your voice. "So much has happened since we last caught up. Lando, and I... it's all been a rollercoaster of emotions."

Alexandra was captivated by your journey and couldn't help but ask, "So, what's the deal with you and Lando? Are you two finally going to make it official?"

You take a deep breath, trying to find the right words. "Well, Alexandra, it's complicated," you say with a hint of uncertainty.

"Lando and I have been through so much together, and I care about him deeply. But there are still some things we need to figure out before we can make any official decisions."

Alexandra nodded understandingly, sensing the weight of your words. She quickly changed the topic, eager to distract you from the complexity of your relationship with Lando.

With a smile, she began sharing stories about her recent travels with Leo and Charles and the adventures they had together.

As you listened, the worries and uncertainties faded into the background, replaced by laughter and the warmth of friendship. . . .

"Y/N! Miss L/N!" A McLaren staff came out of nowhere, frantically looking for you. You turned towards them, a mix of surprise and curiosity in your eyes, wondering what could be so urgent that they interrupted your long-awaited reunion with Alexandra.

You turned towards the staff member, a sense of urgency creeping into your voice as you asked, "What's wrong? Is everything alright?"

"It's Lando,"

Startled, you turned to Alexandra and said, "I guess our catch-up will have to wait. Duty calls."

Alexandra nodded understandingly, giving you a quick hug before you followed the staff. "Take care, Y/N," she said softly, her voice filled with concern. "I hope everything is alright with Lando."

"I hope so too," you replied, your heart pounding with worry. "I'll find out what's going on and let you know as soon as I can." With that, you hurried after the staff member, praying that whatever had happened to Lando wasn't as serious as it sounded.

As they walked, you asked the staff member, "What happened? Is Lando okay?"

"He won't get in his car," the staff member stated. "He said he needed to see you before he goes."

Your heart sank as you realized that you had let the time slip away. You knew how important it was to be there for Lando before he left, and now you were filled with regret for not keeping your promise. You quickened your pace, hoping that you would be able to reach him in time and make things right.

"Kid, she's not coming," Zac tried to convince him, "You'll see her after the race anyway,"

"But I can't race without seeing her," Lando insisted, his determination unwavering.

"But Lando," Zac pleaded, "this is your chance to prove yourself on the track. You've worked so hard for this opportunity."

Lando shook his head, determination in his eyes. "If she's not coming, then I'm not going," he said firmly, his mind made up.

"Wait, Lando!" you called out, catching up to him just in time. "I'm here, I'm sorry for being late. I couldn't bear the thought of you racing without seeing you first."

Lando's eyes softened as he looked at you. A mix of relief and love filled his expression. "I can't do this without you," he whispered, taking your hand in his.

As you stood there, hand in hand with Lando, you knew that the cameras were capturing this intimate moment between the two of you. But in that moment, you didn't care about the public scrutiny or the potential backlash.

All that mattered was being there for each other, supporting one another through the highs and lows.

The pressure of the race, the expectations, and the regrets of being late all faded away as you stood there, united and ready to face whatever challenges came your way.

"What's the problem?" you asked worriedly, ready to fight anyone for Lando.

"I need my good luck kiss," Lando said desperately, his eyes pleading with you.

"You're telling me that you won't go because you wanted a kiss from me?" you slapped his shoulder gently, your disbelief evident in your voice.

Lando grinned sheepishly, his determination momentarily wavering. "Well, yeah, I guess so," he admitted, his eyes searching yours for any sign of agreement.

Despite the urgency of the situation, you couldn't help but smile at his request. You leaned in and pressed your lips against his cheek, sending a wave of reassurance and love through his body.

"Good luck Lando," you said.

"Thanks, I'll win for you, okay," Lando replied, grinning, running over to his car and driving off at the start of the race.

As you watched him go, a mixture of nerves and excitement filled your heart, knowing that you would be cheering him on every step of the way, no matter what.

"I can't believe that he wasn't going to go without your 'good luck' kiss," you heard Zac say beside you, tired of Lando's behavior.

"I know, it's ridiculous," you replied, shaking your head in disbelief. "But that's just Lando being Lando. He's always had this superstition about needing a good luck kiss before a race. I guess I've just gotten used to it."

"At this point, you two should get together," Zac stated.

You chuckled and glanced at Zac, feeling a blush creep up on your cheeks. "Well, maybe it's about time we make it official," you replied, a hint of excitement in your voice.

Zac grinned and nodded approvingly, knowing that you and Lando were meant to be together.

You smiled at Zac's comment, realizing that there was truth in his words. It was clear that your bond with Lando went beyond superstitions and good luck kisses.

As you watched the race unfold, you couldn't help but think that maybe, just maybe, it was time to take your relationship to the next level. . . .

The Miami Grand Prix was a thrilling and intense race from start to finish. Lando showcased his exceptional driving skills, maneuvering through the challenging turns and maintaining a competitive edge.

He faced tough competition from other skilled drivers, each vying for the top spot. As the laps progressed, Lando's determination remained unwavering, his focus unwavering as he pushed the limits of his car.

Despite the challenges of intense competition and the demanding nature of the race track, Lando remained composed and strategic.

He skillfully navigated through tight turns, battled for position, and made split-second decisions to maintain his competitive edge. It was a true test of his abilities, but Lando's determination and skill shone through, propelling him closer to victory.

The crowd erupted in cheers as he made daring overtakes and showcased his racing prowess.

In the end, Lando emerged victorious, crossing the finish line with a triumphant smile on his face, proving once again that he was a force to be reckoned with in the world of racing.

You were on your feet as soon as he passed the chequered flag, your heart pounding with excitement. The roar of the crowd enveloped you as you joined in the celebration, cheering and clapping for Lando's incredible victory.

The moment was electric, filled with a sense of pride and joy that only intensified as you made your way to the podium to congratulate him on his well-deserved win.

Seeing his triumphant smile up close, you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of pride and joy, knowing that you were there to witness this unforgettable moment in Lando's racing career.

Tears of happiness streamed down your face as you witnessed the culmination of his hard work and dedication, knowing that this victory was not only a testament to his talent

"Let's go, you have a grand prix victory kiss to deliver," Zac said, coming out of nowhere to help you get through the crowd.

People already started to give space as soon as they saw you, having a knowing grin on their faces. It was clear that they recognized you as someone special, someone who was close to the victorious driver.

As you made your way through the crowd, their excitement and anticipation grew, and you could feel their admiration and respect for being part of Lando's inner circle.

The moment you reached where Lando was, the crowd erupted into cheers once again, celebrating not only Lando's victory but also your presence and support throughout his journey.

As you approached Lando, he was still tightly embracing his team, their faces beaming with pride and joy. You waited patiently, soaking in the atmosphere and reflecting on the incredible journey that led to this victorious moment.

The sight of their camaraderie and shared joy warmed your heart, as you knew that their teamwork and support had played a crucial role in Lando's success.

As the team staff pointed at you and yelled, "Aye there's your girlfriend mate!", you couldn't help but blush.

Lando immediately turned around, his eyes falling on you, the biggest grin on his face. He hurriedly made his way towards you, pushing through the crowd, and swept you up in a tight embrace.

"We did it" he whispered, his voice filled with genuine happiness.

"You did it, Lando. It was all you," you said, your voice filled with genuine admiration and pride.

"No, you were my motivation to win," he replied, his eyes flickering from your eyes to your lips.

You rolled your eyes playfully, slowly wrapping your arms around his neck. "Oh please, don't give me that cliché line," you teased, a mischievous smile dancing on your lips. "But I'm glad I could be there to support you. Congratulations, champ."

You pushed his head gently closer, feeling the electricity between you two intensify as your lips inched closer. The anticipation grew with each passing second, and the world seemed to fade away as you both leaned in, your breathing becoming shallow and quick.

Finally, your lips met in a gentle, tender kiss, savoring the moment of victory and shared love. The kiss started soft and sweet, but soon grew more passionate and intense, fueled by the adrenaline and emotions of the triumphant race.

The kiss started softly, a gentle exploration of each other's lips, but soon grew more intense, fueled by the passion and desire that had been building between you for so long.

The once gentle kisses turned into a hungry exchange, as your lips moved together in perfect sync, leaving no doubt about the depth of your love and longing for each other.

As your lips moved together in perfect sync, Lando's hands tightened their grip on your hips, pulling you closer to him.

The intensity of the kiss mirrored the intensity of the emotions coursing through both of you, solidifying the connection that had been growing between you for so long.

Your hands were tangling in his sweaty hair, the sensation only adding to the exhilaration of the moment. The soft strands slipped through your fingers as you deepened the kiss, losing yourself in the taste and feel of him.

Time seemed to stand still as you both surrendered to the passion, knowing that this victory was not just about the race, but about the love that had brought you together.

Reluctantly, you pulled away from the kiss, your heart still racing with desire. "As much as I would love to stay here with you, you have a podium to attend in just a few minutes," you reminded him with a playful smile, trying to catch your breath.

Lando pouted at your response but knew he had to leave. "You know where to meet me right?" he whispered, his eyes filled with longing and anticipation, as he reluctantly pulled away, knowing that the celebration would have to wait until later.

"Of course," you replied, your voice filled with the same longing and anticipation. "I'll meet you at our spot as soon as the podium ceremony is over."

He grinned mischievously, stealing one last kiss before reluctantly tearing himself away from you.

The taste of him lingered on your lips as he hurriedly made his way to the podium, leaving you breathless and longing for the moment when you could meet again at your special spot. . . .

As Lando made his way to the media section to be interviewed for his win, his mind couldn't help but wander back to you. Thoughts of your passionate kiss lingered in his thoughts.

He couldn't wait for the podium ceremony to be over so that he could reunite with you at your spot and continue where you had left off.

However, he then felt something on his lips and he snapped out of it, moving away from it - it was a staff cleaning his lips with a cloth.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm only cleaning the lipstick from your lips," The staff answered, confused of his actions. He always let them clean his face before an interview.

He thought of the lipstick you had on which was now on his lips.

Suddenly, an idea sparked in Lando's mischievous mind. With a playful smirk, he leaned closer to the staff member and whispered, "Leave a little lipstick on, just to remind everyone who truly won today."

The staff member couldn't help but chuckle at Lando's mischievous request. Knowing that Lando was the race's victor and had a certain charm that couldn't be resisted, they nodded and left a hint of lipstick on his lips, complying with his playful demand.

As Lando headed to the media section, he couldn't help but feel a surge of confidence, knowing that he had left his mark not only on the race but also on the hearts of the fans.

As Lando approached the interviewer, he confidently took the microphone in his hand. The male interviewer greeted him with a smile, ready to delve into Lando's victorious race and capture his electrifying energy for the fans.

Interviewer asked politely, "Congratulations on your incredible win, Lando! How does it feel to come out on top today?"

"Thank you! It feels absolutely amazing. The race was intense, but I stayed focused and pushed myself to the limit. The car was performing exceptionally well, and my team did an outstanding job with the strategy." Lando replied with, "It's a fantastic feeling to see all the hard work pay off."

"You certainly had everyone on the edge of their seats! Can you walk us through that nail-biting overtaking maneuver in the final lap?"

"Oh, that was a heart-stopping moment for sure! I saw an opportunity to make a move, and I knew I had to seize it. The adrenaline was pumping, and I went for it." Lando explained.

"The car responded perfectly, and I managed to make the pass stick. It was a risky move, but it paid off, and I couldn't be happier with the outcome."

"I can't help but notice the lipstick stain on your lips," The interviewer commented on.

Lando chuckled, his mischievous charm shining through. "Ah, yes, a little souvenir from the victory celebration," he replied with a wink.

"Just a small reminder of the exhilaration and triumph of this race." The interviewer smiled, intrigued by Lando's playful nature, and continued with the interview.

The interviewer laughed, finding Lando's playful nature endearing. "Well, it certainly adds a unique touch to your victory," they replied. "Now, let's talk about the reaction from your fans. Social media is buzzing with excitement over your win. How does it feel to have such a dedicated and passionate fanbase supporting you?"

Lando's smile widened as he replied, "I am incredibly grateful for my fans. Their support means the world to me. It's humbling to know that my performance on the track resonates with so many people. I couldn't ask for better support."

"As you were about to pass the chequered flag, who or what were yout thinking of?"

"As I approached the chequered flag, my mind was filled with a mix of emotions and thoughts. Of course, my family and friends were on my mind, but Y/N was definitely the one who occupied my thoughts the most throughout the race. Her support and encouragement gave me that extra push to go for the win." Lando answered with a smile, his voice filled with affection and gratitude.

"Was your motivation to get your victory kiss?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Lando said, pointing at his face with a grin. "That victory kiss from Y/N was definitely a motivating factor. Knowing that I had her waiting at the finish line made me push even harder."

"Well, I'll let you go celebrate your win," the interviewer said, acknowledging Lando's eagerness to savor his victory. "But before you go, one last question: what does this win mean for you and your racing career?"

"This win means everything to me and my racing career. It's a validation of all the hard work, dedication, and sacrifices that I've made to get to this point. It's a stepping stone towards achieving my ultimate goals and solidifying my place in the racing world."

As the camera stopped recording and the microphone was taken from him, the interviewer thanked Lando for his time and congratulated him once again on his impressive victory.

Lando ran over to the podium, a mixture of exhilaration and exhaustion coursing through his veins. As he reached for the trophy, a surge of pride washed over him.

This trophy symbolized not only his victory, but also the culmination of years of hard work, determination, and perseverance.

Lando held the trophy high above his head, basking in the cheers and applause from the crowd, knowing that this moment would forever be etched in his memory as one of his proudest achievements. . . .

As you sat in Lando's driver's room, waiting for him to finish with his interviews, you couldn't help but feel a sense of awe and admiration for his incredible achievement.

The way he spoke about you during the interview filled your heart with warmth, knowing that you were his biggest source of motivation and inspiration.

You couldn't wait to congratulate him in person and celebrate this momentous win together.

As you sat in Lando's driver's room, waiting for him to finish with his interviews, you couldn't help but remember the passionate kiss you shared before he had to leave for the race. Your finger grazed over your lips, still tingling from the lingering sensation.

Your hands were tangling in his sweaty hair, the sensation only adding to the exhilaration of the moment. The soft strands slipped through your fingers as you deepened the kiss, losing yourself in the taste and feel of him.

Your thoughts of the moment of the kiss were interrupted by the door opening and you quickly pulled your hand away from your lips, hoping no one had seen the intimate gesture.

It revealed a beaming Lando with the trophy in his hands. His eyes met yours, and a wide grin spread across his face as he rushed towards you, engulfing you in a tight embrace.

His head was buried into your neck, and you could feel his rapid heartbeat against your chest. The scent of victory and adrenaline filled the air as you held each other tightly, savoring the moment of triumph.

The world around you faded away, and in that embrace, you knew that you were not only celebrating his win, but also the deep bond and love that you shared.

"Can we continue what we stopped before?" Lando asked, his voice low and husky against your neck. You felt a shiver run down your spine as his words stirred up the same desire that had ignited between you earlier.

With a mischievous smile, you whispered back, "I think we can definitely make some time for that, especially after this incredible victory."

The anticipation in Lando's eyes mirrored your own as you both shared a knowing look, ready to relish in the passionate moments that awaited you.

Lando's hands were curling around your waist, his touch sending a jolt of electricity through your body. The warmth of his embrace enveloped you, and you couldn't help but melt into his strong arms.

In that moment, all you wanted was to lose yourself in his touch and continue where you left off, savoring every delicious second of the passion that awaited you both.

Your lips molded together in a perfect harmony, the softness of his contrasting with the passion in his kiss. The taste of him lingered on your tongue, a mixture of mint and desire.

As your fingers entwined in his hair, you reveled in the sensation of the sweat-soaked strands slipping through your grasp, adding to the intoxicating thrill of the moment. The world around you ceased to exist as you deepened the kiss, losing yourself in the electric connection that pulsed between you.

The pressure of his lips against yours sent a shiver down your spine, igniting a fire within you that could only be quenched by his touch. Your hearts beat in sync, the rhythm of desire pounding through your chests.

Time seemed to stand still as you surrendered to the taste, the feel, and the sheer intoxication of his kiss.

Every nerve ending in your body came alive, as if electrified by the raw passion that flowed between you.

Lando pulled back slightly, a playful glint in his eyes. "Oh, trust me, baby," he said with a sly grin, "We're just getting started. I have plenty more in store for you tonight."

His teasing words sent a surge of anticipation through you, and you couldn't help but giggle in response.

"Is that so?" you countered, your voice dripping with flirtation. "Well, I can't wait to see what you have in mind. But first, let's celebrate this victory properly."

The air crackled with excitement as you both leaned in for another passionate kiss, ready to explore the depths of desire together. . . .

[lunarlianna]

Asteroid Sirene

This asteroid shows why are they attracted to you and where you mesmerize them. You can check where you can find this asteroid in your birth chart by going on astro.com, extendent chart selection, additional objects and add the number 1009. In case this asteroid makes a strong conjunction with your asc, desc, mc, ic or sun and moon, you’ll be more prone in showing those characteristics.

Sirene in Aries:  People are attracted to you because of your confidence, your looks and how direct you are in your approach. They see the fire, the passion and they want to touch it even if they will get burned. Usually people see you as a challenge, they want to tamp you and have control over you.

Sirene in Taurus: People are attracted to you because you are seen as conventional attractive with perfect skin. People usually have a crush on you or end up having a crush on you. How you dress can be seen as provocative even when you’re not trying to be.  They usually seek a sort of approval from you.

Sirene in Gemini: You know when people want to talk with you, most people are attracted to your mind and your communication style, they think they found the perfect person that understands them. They will find it very arousing to have heat up conversations with you, debates or contradictory arguments.

Sirene in Cancer: You attracted people because of your sweet nature, they see you like the perfect mother to some partners you’ll remind them of the qualities that their mother have. They will be attracted to you because you are empathetic and kind but they don’t know how manipulative you can also be.

Sirene in Leo: People are attracted to you because of your light and magnetic charm. They adore the way you walk and present yourself. You enter in their life and make them think that you’ll bring joy and happiness to them. They usually want to have you at all cost. Like a hunter that want to catch a fairy

Sirene in Virgo: People usually like how organize and book smart you are. They see you as that incredible shy and reserve person that everyone wonders how they are. You are pretty good at showing the submissive face but once they get to know you, you turn up to be someone completely different from their imagination.

Sirene in Libra: People are attracted to you because of your friendly nature, they see you as the perfect person to have a relationship with. They may feel the urge to propose to you. In friendship people might misunderstand your friendly nature with filtration behavior. Usually people also like to please you and offer you comfort.

Sirene in Scorpio: People are attracted to your body, you make them feel an insatiable desire for you. You are intense and full of mystery. People usually want to uncover every layer of your being. Some people are straight up scared of you and someone just want to have you all to themselves.

Sirene in Sagittarius: People are attracted to you because of your free spirit and the willingness to learn everything. This placement I see it as that nomad person that everyone falls in love with. Some will want them to be the chosen one for who you settle down and have a family with but your soul wants adventure and freedom.

Sirene in Capricorn: They are attracted to the power you embody, you very well may be successful or own a business. This placement is like that top CEO or Manager that most people have a crush on. They see you and want to be dominated by you. Some people may see you as a father like figure as well. You may be subject to a lot of rumors.

Sirene in Aquarius: You attract people through your quirkiness and weird intelligent facts you spread. Usually at least one person in your group friends has or had a fantasy involving you. They like that you are individual and open minded. They usually see you as the person that will try anything at least once.

Sirene in Pisces: People are attracted to you because they see you as someone that needs protection. They see you like this gentle flower that can get easily hurt. You lure people with your vulnerability and empathy, they let their guard down when they see you, because they think you’ll keep their vulnerable side safe.

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[eightfish]

Hello! I’m very curious of your use of colors and how you go about choosing them for a piece? They all have such a nice vibe and are a treat to the eyes!! I’m also surprised you’re a med student!! How do you juggle making art with your studies?? (from the few things (very very few) I know about medical studies it just seems like a LOT of studying goes on, so I’m very curious!)

Sometimes artists make things look so easy! I want to talk about my artistic process honestly, so I’m going to show you some pieces I struggled on, with my reasoning and references, and also my mistakes and where I asked for help. I’m glad you like my colors, they’re sometimes what I end up spending the most time on.

So hello and welcome to a somewhat long write up.

First I want to show this piece, “A friendship between an escort and an eel man,” that I love the finished colors of but was a pain while I was making it:

I start off with two ideas I wanted to combine for the color scheme: 

The two halves, the human half and the eel tank half, should be distinct. I thought human side red, eel tank blue. 

2. For additional contrast, I wanted human half dark and eel tank bright.

Wasn't entirely clicking, but I decided to just start slapping down colors and adjust later.

A note on shadows and lighting- shift not just the values (light/dark of the color) but the hue as well (the.. color of the color) to give a piece a richer tone. Here I’m making the shadows more red and the lighting more yellow (though in the end the lighting is blue instead). 

(Of course, changing value only is a choice used in many color schemes as well. Maybe if you want a piece to look dingy, or monochromatic. You can do anything if you do it intentionally.)

Here I liked the warm human half, but I didn’t like the blue tank so much.

Tried some warm colors. Still wasn’t working. Though bringing the yellow into the tank made the piece more cohesive, having the whole thing be similar colors was not my initial goal. It looked boring, and the eel tank was not separate enough. The yellows and browns on the aquarium side did not look like water, even when I tried suggesting the top of the tank.

I asked a friend (@veritasgloriamart) for help and she sent me this reference: 

I adjusted the tank colors to the reference, and added a blue glow instead of yellow to help connect the two sides. It was still not looking cohesive enough to me.

A blue overlay layer added to the human side to make the colors even more aligned with the tank side worked! Overlay layers are magic. They can really help make colors come together. Here the purple on the human side still works to separate it from the tank, but the blue shadows bring them together. It was looking really good now! 

Contrast is important, so eel man became darker. Him and the escort are the subjects, so they get to be dark against a light background. Contrast and focal points are important.

After some cleaning up, here is the final piece again! I put some pink in the tank to bring some of human side into the tank side too.

Here is a second piece I struggled with:

Again I start off with some ideas: the scene should  look warm and comfortable. I thought I should use a lot of colors, to make the meal look like a colorful feast. But I wasn’t paying enough attention to lighting and contrast, so it was looking flat and disorganized.

I decided I wanted the colors to look more intentional. Let's do purple and yellow, warm and complementary colors. Green and red because food needs those colors. But the contrast was still not good enough. The piece still lacked clarity and focus. 

One thing to do when struggling with contrast and clarity: switch to thinking with values. Working in black and white, I made the figure of the fairy on the left darker against a lighter background to make her stand out, and I made the unimportant edges of the piece darker, but it didn’t feel like enough.

My friend (thanks @deoidesign) gave me critique to make the lighting bolder on the hair and table, making the silhouette of the fairy much more clear. After following the advice, it was really working for me now!

I used the gradient map tool to rough out a similar yellow and purple color scheme as my initial idea:

After adding the gradient map it’s pretty much done. Gradient maps are magic.

I lost the idea I started with, making the food colorful, but the food worked better being all yellow instead. Making the food all one color made the lighting more clear, deemphasized it, and let the characters stand out. Things don't always have to be colored the color they actually are.

Minor details added, final piece.

"Eating faerie food gives them power over you, but if fae eat human food, it works the other way around too. These three don’t mind either way."

Final example, a piece that wasn’t a struggle: A necromancer and kitty’s latest conquest. 

Sometimes, coloring is just vibes. 

The starting idea for this one: muted blue and purple/red.

I took some inspiration from this piece by an artist whos work I love love love (the green one under 2021): 

That piece inspired me to add the beige, green, and pink from the color scheme. I also nudged the reds more into purple to make them softer.

The plants got to be green, as did the walls. Blue and purple, the cooler colors, for the shadows and darker plants. Pink as a bright color, used sparingly to add warmth. Beige used wherever it fits, to calm everything down. The colors for this piece came naturally so I don’t have a lot of progress shots. 

Some things I was considering here: I was blending the colors into each other and reusing them throughout the piece. Nearby colors bleed into each other, unifying them. Things are not held to the colors they would be in the real world, but rather what looks good. 

Only very minor changes were made after the color sketch. Final piece:

When I’m not feeling like experimenting so much, sometimes I just fall back on color schemes I’m used to. I know red, green, and yellow look cozy and warm together so a lot of my pieces use that.

On learning colors: 

For me, learning means paying attention to the colors in the world around me and to the colors in other people’s art. I note the general idea of color palettes (example: yellow highlights, blue shadows is one I see a lot) and the impressions they give off. I’m slowly building up a library in my head of palettes. 

Tips summary:

Having some idea of the mood of the piece or a general palette can be a good starting point

Ask for help

Take inspiration and use references 

Value is more important for clarity than colors are. If the colors are not working, it could be because the values are not working

You don’t need to color things the color they actually are. Color them how they look or what looks best for the piece. White things are not necessarily white, skin is not necessarily a shade of brown. The lighting of an environment changes the colors you see.

Iterate on ideas. Critique yourself. 

Thinking of a piece as a whole helps the colors look cohesive. Think of palates while considering the whole piece. Intentionally reuse colors throughout.

Consider bleeding nearby colors into each other. In real life, bounce light can give this effect. In art, it’s not necessarily always realistic but can add texture and cohesiveness.

Practice practice practice

The end. I hope it’s useful! 

[lurkingshan]

Cherry Magic Episode 5

Ah yes, the delicious pain of one-sided pining. This was another great episode and yes I would like to wring Achi's neck a little for the mixed signals he is sending our poor beloved and beleaguered Karan.

This episode did such a fantastic job of putting us in the crushing uncertainty of a one-sided love. Karan interprets everything Achi does as either a signal that his affections are returned or a signal that they absolutely are not, and so he swings wildly between elation and devastation minute to minute. And Achi is causing a lot of confusion with the way he seems so happy to be with Karan and know his feelings for him one moment, and then puts up barriers and shies away the next. I would be confused, too, if I were Karan, especially since from his perspective, all he has done is try to get closer to Achi as a friend. He doesn't know Achi can hear his real (simp) desires!

And Achi did not use the information he has about Karan kindly in this episode. He knew damn well how special it made Karan feel to be part of his morning routine, and he used that against him by bringing in Rock as a buffer, repeating the routine, and undoing that special feeling he had given Karan. It was mean and I’m not happy with him! He knew he was making Karan sad but he just kept doing it. And it's not that Karan thinks Achi likes Rock, it's that he's perceptive enough to know that Achi is intentionally using him to create a barrier between them. That's why he's so sad, it's a clear rejection of the closeness he was trying to build with Achi. Achi needs to get his head together because he can’t keep yanking him around.

And that's why I love that Karan decides he will not be living with this confusion for a moment longer. He knows his feelings are too far gone to keep holding it in and it's time for some clarity between them. And he had to be the one to do it because Achi would of course keep avoiding the issue, spending time with Karan every day while also pushing him away passive aggressively. Good for you, Karan! I also love that he waited for Achi to get on the boat before he spoke; this will make it easy for him to flee after confessing. My man is a thinker!

In other news this ep, I LOVE THE OFFICE GANG. They're such a sweet group of caring colleagues and that whole sequence with them intervening in Rock and Min's estrangement, especially Pai dropping the hammer, was adorable. I liked that added layer to Rock and Min’s friendship a lot; it was a nice touch of additional pathos for their story and it gave both of them more depth. And of course, the whole group bonding while Karan was left on the outside because of the situation with Achi just made all of his pain feel more poignant. This show is so smart about the way it's building out all these relationships.

I also continue to be impressed with the way the Thai adaptation uses the mind reading for added humor. Karan singing off key in his own head and Achi and Jinta continuing to have telepathic conversations was excellent. Keep the jokes coming, show, I'm loving it.

[akkivee]

i don’t have the mental capacity to write a full report on my thoughts for the chuuoku stage, but here’s a condensed list for you lol:

i hated the amount of singing in it and while i can get a gold medal in mental gymnastics to justify it, i still don’t want it lol

otome has the voice of an angel tho LOL

i regret having poked around for spoilers bc nemu experiencing her very own betrayal, the aohitsugi right of passage lol, would have been even more devastating if i didn’t know it was coming

but it did add an additional layer of comedy on inori’s end lol she really did just lie to nemu about not being spy when it really was her ass LOL

having that knowledge that inori would betray her made me notice more clues tho like the way tsukuyomi’s and hers mics paralleled each other’s and they showed those off in the opening dance number lol

could literally cry all day about nemu being brainwashed and the times it started weakening was when she was wondering if she really hated her brother and when she was standing up to chuuoku on behalf of the friendship she had with inori TO BREAK FREE FROM THE TRUE HYPNOSIS MIC ITS DEPENDENT ON BONDS YALL

AND THE WAY NEMU REFUSED TO FIGHT INORI JUST LIKE SAMATOKI REFUSED TO FIGHT SASARA WHEN HE WAS BRAINWASHED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUGH—

could also cry all day over ichijiku she was mmmfrrtfghpgf and i just really liked how you could tell she was soft on nemu, like very soft, but was still trying to maintain the leader/subordinate relationship they have like uwu honestly

honobono is an entire fcking menace what a sociopathic queen 🩷

and like literally lmao her solo in this stage takes inspiration from an awich song called bad btch bigaku and yeah honobono sure do have her own flavour of bad btch 🩷🩷🩷

honobono does not want to be understood, much less woobified to uwu soft sad girl, but genuinely i want to know, why is she like that???? what happened lol?????

[makeste]

hey guys, so I’ve finished reading BnHA 342 which was a delight to read, but my reaction post is very, very long and will take some time to edit, so in the meantime I’ve decided to make a separate post just to talk about this one character interaction which I am absolutely obsessed with!

let’s see how long of an analysis I can make about this ONE, SINGLE JOKING REMARK THAT KACCHAN MADE COMPLETELY OFFHANDEDLY.

1. so first off, let’s just cut straight to the heart of the matter: this. is. friendship. no more denial. no more HAH, NO WAY, OF COURSE WE AREN’T FRIENDS NOW WALK BEHIND ME!!! the Kacchan who was too embarrassed and too chuuni to admit that he was friends with Shouto died at Jakku. and the Kacchan who’s been running the show ever since then is someone who openly worries about Shouto (asking about him immediately after waking up in the hospital), unabashedly provides him with emotional support (hand on the shoulder when class 1-A confronted Endeavor), and hangs out with him in his room because he doesn’t want Shouto to be going through all this shit alone.

2. speaking as someone whose own #1 love language is using humor to try and relax people and make them feel comfortable and safe and welcomed and at ease, the fact that Katsuki used a joke as his chosen method of support here brought me SO MUCH JOY I can barely even begin to express it. and it’s not even the first time he’s done this! never forget that one time after Kamino where class 1-A was all bummed after Aizawa told them off for coming to save him, and so he grabbed Kaminari and dragged him into the bushes and made him activate his derp mode in order to ease the tension! and also to distract them so he could quietly pay Kirishima back for the night vision goggles, because that is his OTHER love language (cold hard cash!! nah lol I’m referring to the act of physically, tangibly paying him back; showing his gratitude not just with words but with actions), but yeah. 

my point is, for someone who always seems to be so angry and serious, Kacchan has a sharp sense of humor that he apparently just keeps tucked away under wraps, and dusts off only for rare special occasions like these, and I absolutely LOVE it and I need it to happen WAY MORE OFTEN. there is a very real possibility of me making a compilation post of every single time Kacchan has made a joke and/or actually laughed about something, just because I’m that desperate to know more about this expertly dry wit of his now.

3. getting back to his friendship with Shouto, this next talking point is the one that’s already been done to death (because you know I went and looked up all those 342 tumblr reactions and metas after I read this chapter because I needed to soak up that analysis asap), but nonetheless this post would not be complete without it! so this is very obviously a commentary on the fact that Shouto’s favorite food is cold soba! a fact which is known to every single citizen of the world! in fact this joke even takes that last part into account, since it relies on that fact being common knowledge in order to stick the landing! in a way it’s partially a friendly little dig at Shouto for making his favorite food such an important part of his personality! like, “hmm, so what would be the worst case scenario for Touya. well obviously it would be him liking something other than soba, since we all know that’s a deal-breaker.” basically this joke derives a good 60% of its humor from the fact that Shouto just loves soba THAT damn much. and Kacchan is obviously WELL aware of this fact because, as we all know, he and Shouto are actually best friends.

4. quick side note, this is also a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it callback to chapter 164, which featured this hilarious interchange between Shouto and his OTHER best friend.

thus adding the additional meta layer that Shouto actually does canonically consider people who like udon to be FUNDAMENTALLY INCOMPATIBLE WITH HIM AS PEOPLE lmao. and Katsuki knows this because he was listening in on that whole conversation and bitching about the two of them being total weirdos! but ALSO he was apparently filing notes away in the back of his big hero brain because he loves Todo actually, so yeah. love it when a scene in a newer chapter retroactively makes a scene from an old chapter even better.

5. lest you worry that Kacchan is back to his OLD VILLAINOUS BULLYING WAYS by poking fun at poor sweet innocent Shouto here, let’s now talk about the ways in which this joke is also a sick burn on Touya! because that of course is the other 40% of the joke! if Shouto’s favorite food is soba, then OBVIOUSLY Touya’s favorite food is going to be the complete opposite of that, because Touya is the worst! just the absolute worst. man fuck that guy!

so there are a couple of additional layers to this part. the first is that Katsuki is very much aware of the delicate balance that needs to be struck here. because he genuinely, unironically DOES know Shouto pretty damn well by now, and so he understands how conflicted Shouto is about his brother. and because he’s a good friend, he’s supportive of Shouto’s desire to somehow redeem Touya if at all possible. and so instead of going all in on how Touya is a founding member of the final villains club WHO BRAGGED ABOUT KILLING THIRTY PEOPLE and who also KIDNAPPED HIM THAT ONE TIME, the worst thing that Kacchan accuses him of here is... having a different favorite food than Shouto. this is basically the gentlest, mildest “fuck that guy” that anyone could have possibly given here.

and then the second bonus layer is that Katsuki is very clearly taking Shouto’s side here. that’s the only possible way for this joke to land. the humor works because Katsuki takes the mundane accusation of liking hot udon, and twists it into a sick fucking burn, because ONLY AN UNHINGED LUNATIC WOULD DARE TO LIKE SUCH A COMPLETELY OPPOSITE FOOD FROM COLD SOBA, THE BELOVED FAVORITE FOOD OF TODOROKI SHOUTO. in other words, if you don’t like Todoroki Shouto’s favorite food, then FUCK YOU! Team Soba all the way! so yeah, it has that connotation too, which is actually very sweet.

6. last but not least, I just want to take a moment to gush about how this was all just perfectly executed and timed. Shouto sets him up for it, and Kacchan pounces on the opportunity without hesitation and delivers the perfect response, which immediately relieves some of the quiet tension in the room, and honest to god actually makes Shouto laugh.

sort of! that was a chuckle at least! it counts!! anyways the point is, Katsuki read the room perfectly and understood that Shouto was trying to lighten the mood and didn’t want to have a heavy conversation about all of his feelings right now (which is something that Katsuki understands very well), so he followed Shouto’s lead and met him at that level, while still managing to communicate (1) “I know how conflicted you are about all of this”, (2) “I’ve got your back”, and most importantly, (3) “we are friends, and I care about you and support you in all things, you big soba loving freak.” it’s affectionate, it’s heartwarming, and it’s genuinely funny as hell.

anyway so yeah, that’s my RIDICULOUSLY, UNJUSTIFIABLY LONG post about what has instantly become one of my all time favorite little throwaway BnHA moments, right up there with the legendary “hey Kacchan!” scene. Kacchan being friends with people. Shouto getting some much-deserved love. Iida and Kirishima being there too, and presumably smiling and taking notes and maybe one day they can tell their children about this. that’s what it’s all about folks.

[thebluestbluewords]

Audrey’s Diary

I’m reading through Audrey’s diary, and I have to say…out of all the descendants tie-in books, this one has been my least favorite so far. There’s some fun moments, but overall it’s rehashing the events of the movies that we’ve already seen, and only adds a little bit of additional Audrey perspective. Compared to Mal’s Spellbook, or Evie’s Fashion Book, there’s not a lot of additional content that we don’t already see in the movies.

That being said, there’s some really fun moments of Audrey POV that help expand on her relationship with her parents, her grandmother, her godmothers, and even some of her Auradon friends. It’s not my favorite tie-in book, but it’s still fun to read.

This page is fun for a couple of reasons- we get to hear about Sir Choppington’s, which is apparently in East Riding, near King George Town. (I’m collecting a list of Auradon town names. Who King George is doesn’t matter here. He’s got a town named after him!!)

Either Jane doesn’t look up salon reviews before she gets her hair cut….or her mom made the decision for her, which feels like a strong possibility considering Jane’s relationship with her mom in the first movie. Audrey’s mom isn’t even present in the movie, so it’s not surprising that she wouldn’t consider Jane’s mom telling her where to go as an option in this bad haircut saga.

I know that this book is supposed to make Audrey feel more sympathetic, but honestly I just feel bad for her. Judging your friend’s haircuts is a time honored tradition, but the focus on how Jane ignored Audrey’s advice really does feel like something a self-centered teenager would write. It certainly doesn’t feel very sympathetic to poor Jane….which might be an indication of how their friendship falls apart later on.

Speaking of hair, here’s another page where we get a more detailed view of Audrey’s opinions on other people’s hair. This page is basically her line from the movie, not quite word for word….but pretty close. I was a little disappointed that we dont get anything else about why Audrey dislikes magic- her mother fell under a magic spell, but she also had a magic color changing dress that’s pretty iconic. Magic for beauty feels like a slippery slope for teenagers who are unhappy with their bodies, sure, but Audrey bby….you go to a salon to change your hair layer in this book. Changing your appearance is only bad when you’re doing it with magic, not dye or extensions?

I’m impressed with how well the Auradon Prep sixth grade Gateway Magic seminar seems to have preached magical abstinence-only education. Kudos to Fairy Godmother on ensuring that her students both hate and don’t understand magic. The nods to Auradon Prep classes are one of my favorite things in this book.

[zahri-melitor]

League of Shadows: Detective Comics #951-956

Wow. Just wow.

I knew Tynion IV was working overtime to try and get a level of normality re-established in Rebirth Batman, but he has so many moving pieces going on here.

First up: this is the Cass and Shiva story, so it’s rehashing and re-exploring the most vital elements of Perfect For A Year and Destruction’s Daughter.

It’s not a perfect blend, for a bunch of reasons, but I respect the effort involved.

The bit that blew me way however? Tynion brought in Carolyn.

Cass content where she is given inspiration by her aunt’s words??? I mean. I am listening.

Kate Kane gets to approximately play Babs’ role in the push-pull over what Cass needs against Bruce.

Cass in the Mud Room obsessed with winning fights and working through her problems of course perfectly reflecting Cass in Babs' equivalent holoroom doing exactly that as a way of dealing with her emotions.

Cass gets two fights with Shiva, and she of course loses the first and wins the second.

Cass running around with swords? Some people might say that’s not Cass, I say hello Kasumi and BatO 2008 references!

(Tragically Cass didn’t get to stab Kendra and keep that motif running, but alas no Justice League appeared in this book)

Cass and David together flashbacks still don’t feel entirely on target: previously when Cass has gone to David to answer her questions he would eventually give her what she asked for, not deny it to her. But David Cain was left in a horrible state post B&R Eternal so any writing even slightly more on track was helpful.

It's also fascinating to me that we go to this very heavy Cass story, leaning into her growth as a person and moving from being a lurking shadow who is a vigilante only to someone who is making civilian friendships and connections and doing things outside of simply being a vigilante (going to the ballet in person with Bruce and Kate escorting her) happens in a period when Steph has left. This is echoing Cass' Bludhaven arc! Argh Tynion knows the whole of Batgirl 2000 so well.

And Shiva. Oh, Shiva. I have to say, as always, I’m not thrilled when Shiva is directly linked to Ra’s Al Ghul, but admittedly we were redoing Destruction’s Daughter, so Shiva being called in to train League assassins is on target (though it was Ra's this time, not Nyssa), as was Shiva not actually working with Ra's ordinary troops so much as the set he was using for the League of Shadows.

What I also liked: Ra's trying to manipulate Shiva using what he knew of Cass, and Shiva not being fully on board with what Ra's was selling but synthesising it in her own way.

I don't love Ra's being more involved in Shiva's backstory, but I did enjoy her arguments with him, and the way Shiva, despite herself, became compelled and interested in Cass as a fighter more than as her daughter. (Daughter? raw material, boring. Fighter with that skillset who happens to be my daughter? deeply fascinated).

Just picking out a few scenes here, but I feel this does add an additional layer of depth to Shiva's motivations? That she knows she burnt everything away in the fire of Shiva, but also she has a level of regret over it all.

And then that being reflected in part of what gave Cass the understanding of how to defeat the League and Shiva was the words of Carolyn and her message of how to act as a shadow yet still find yourself? A message Sandra has lost but Carolyn protected even in her death, because Shiva has worked to slough off Sandra, but that is still a loss.

On top (on TOP) of this storyline being a synthesis of Batgirl 2000 into 5 issues, Tynion was just packing in the references.

The atomic bomb to open a faultline under Gotham and *checks notes* make the city fall into a cavern below? Is that Cataclysm, 'Quakemaster' (aka Ventriloquist) holding the city hostage over an even worse earthquake I spy? Because. The vibes were very much there. But on top of that, it's also a version of the Batgirl story of Alpha hiding a fusion bomb in Gotham and Cass needing to track him down to work out where that bomb was.

Shiva and the League of Shadows having a special technique of stabbing people with swords through their chest in a way that doesn't damage any organs. Shiva, is that you saying The Widower was bad at his job? Because most of those sword wounds were similar in location to Tim's one from The Widower but specifically on the other side of the body to avoid the spleen.

Ulysses Armstrong continuing to be the creepiest kid absolutely obsessed with Tim as Robin and trying to 'get into his skin'? Ulysses being in the military now via Jacob Kane's secret organisation yet still completely and utterly hung up on Tim and trying to prove himself is commitment to Tim's Robin run.

And then we get to this: to Ra's telling Bruce that inside the League of Assassins he has a secret League of Shadows, which he has concealed from Bruce and forced him to forget.

But the important bit here to me is Ra's saying Bruce has uncovered them three times before. And we get this series of pictures.

The first is an underground cavern lit by an orange glow (this looks very much like an orange Lazarus Pit in the background: references this resembles include Son of the Demon, any of Nyssa's pits, Matt Wagner's Trinity and a bunch of others).

The second is Bruce standing shirtless on a frozen lake, surrounded by mountains. (Can you say Batman Begins? But also technically you could map this to Bride of the Demon I guess by the art team not realising Antarctica doesn't have trees. Or frozen lakes like that. His first shirtless duel with Ra’s is Batman #244 but that’s in the desert. The various Nanda Parbat and Himalaya fight scenes I reviewed don't look much like this)

The third is Bruce being taken down in what looks like a fancy office (my first thought was possibly Tower of Babel & Dependence, but this again could be a lot of occasions).

And the focus here on Ra's having concealed Bruce's memories and forced him to forget events, in Rebirth stories where we are pushing at the timeline to extend it out again and backfill it with post-Crisis content? A genius way of focusing on there being stories that n52 Bruce doesn't know.

I've been trying to work out exactly which stories Tynion is claiming these three 'discoveries' of the League of Shadows occurred during, and I can't quite pinpoint three specific occasions. But they are so very, very familiar. I do wonder which he was specifically thinking about.

[fort-cozy-mcblanket]

I know this is kind of already answered canonically, but I want your opinion on this:

Who do you think fell in love first, Sheldon or Amy? Follow-up, who do you think has the bigger crush on the other?

In Amy's vows, she states that she felt a connection in the coffee shop & that grew stronger. However, Sheldon's persistence on "She’s not my girlfriend", instead of letting it roll off, is a clear sign of a crush. Plus, he (I think?) asked her to be official couple first. He also proposed, went back to her after the break-up era, and engaged the coitus routine.

Of course, Amy had accepted all of that and then some. She still had feelings for him during the break-up. She also expressed her overall feelings earlier than Sheldon did, asking to move in with her and even kissing him first, etc.

So, what's my dearest friend's opinion?

This is a tough call.

It's true that Amy says in her vows she felt a connection to Sheldon from the first moment they met, but I think Sheldon felt it too and he felt it stronger. He went into that coffee shop fully believing that Howard and Raj were wrong and the entire meeting would be a failure, and yet he was the one who offered to buy Amy a beverage after exchanging a few words with her. He was expecting to meet a woman on the prowl, he never considered his match might also be in a similar situation as him, wary of relationships but nonetheless coerced into the date. When Amy stepped up to him with her multiple layers and direct speech, he was instantly smitten, he just didn't realize it.

Based off what we know of Amy's past and how often she faced rejection from her peers, I believe Sheldon was probably the one to suggest they should exchange contact information and he was probably the one initiating most of their conversations to start out. The four months they spent maintaining daily electronic communications likely helped Amy out a lot in feeling safe in her friendship with him and getting her to a point where she knows he accepts her and that she can trust him. But I think she was still cautious.

It's pretty clear in the beginning that Sheldon was more interested in Amy than she was with him. In addition to the above, he was also the one who invited her on that first date (the one Penny chaperoned) and he also started inviting her out to dinner with the guys, or over to the apartment for games. He invited her to that Brian Greene lecture and to see Indiana Jones with him (though she ditched him on that one). When they "broke up" he was the one going crazy and buying a bunch of cats, while she seemed to mostly take it in stride. When Amy expressed a sexual attraction to Zack, he was obviously jealous about it.

So I would say Sheldon had the bigger crush on her, but these feelings were so completely unexpected for him and he was so deep in denial about it, even after they became boyfriend and girlfriend he had trouble coming to terms with it.

And with Amy, I think her feelings were slower to build, but because she was better in tune with them and more accepting of them, she fell in love first. Or, at the very least, she recognized her feelings as love first. I think she started to realize it could be love as early as season 6 but probably didn't fully admit it to herself until season 7, whereas Sheldon I don't think considered that it could be love until the end of season 7. That's when he acknowledges that Amy loves him (though she hasn't said it yet), and I think a large portion of his train trip was spent mulling that over.

But again, because Sheldon was so resistant to all of this, I think you could also argue that he was in love first but refused to see it. Or maybe that it's all about equal, just expressed differently.

And I'll leave you with this very important excerpt from Jessica Radloff's Big Bang Theory book:

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

It’s not every day your childhood friend gets married, but it’s also not every day you get to talk to an actress you’ve adored for a decade. And thus, I found myself, anxiety-riddled, in my car, in the non-distinct parking lot of a brewery in Florida.

Then Rebecca Ferguson lights up my phone screen, radiating that same magnetic energy that first caught my eye in the 2013 miniseries The White Queen. She’s well-spoken, charming, witty, and brimming with passion as she discusses her Apple TV+ dystopian drama, Silo.

In addition to playing the lead role of engineer Juliette Nichols, Ferguson also serves as an executive producer on the series, becoming involved with Silo quite early on and using her position of power to listen, speak up when needed, “and care for the people on set.” The result is a work environment she loves, friendships with her VFX team, and adoration for her cast, including Harriet Walter, David Oyelowo, and Tim Robbins.

As I mentioned, Rebecca Ferguson is a pure delight. I’d happily step out on any family function for a chance to pick her brain, but what she’s far too humble to mention, a fact that is abundantly clear to droves of viewers (and hopefully, awards voters too)—is that a central reason why Silo works so well—— is because Ferguson is pitch-perfect in the role. We become so invested in the many twisted mysteries of Silo because we’ve become invested in her. Ferguson’s Juliette is strong and commanding, a true badass, fighting to uncover the truth. But as we peel back the layers, we see a subtle, heart-breaking vulnerability that adds a layer of complexity that only an actress with Ferguson’s seriously impressive range can deliver.

To echo Ferguson herself, “Please just watch season one.”

Awards Daily: Rebecca, you got involved with Silo early on. How has your input shaped the show and shaped Juliette as a character?

Rebecca Ferguson: It’s a big question with a very non-simple answer. I mean, I think my involvement is by casting the people you cast. You get the characters that you get. Do you know what I mean? You read a script, and you analyze the character, and you talk to [the team].

It’s a tricky, intense question. I mean, things come about by creating, listening, reading, thinking, and researching, right?

AD: Juliette is such an interesting character in that she’s initially very stoic and we peel back the layers of who she is as the show goes on. We learn more about her relationship with George (Ferdinand Kingsley). We learn more about her father (Iain Glen) later on. How did you calibrate your performance, knowing that a lot of the big reveals would happen later in the show?

RF: It’s kind of on the page. It’s like any film or any acting job that you do. We don’t reveal everything straight away, right? When we do a Mission Impossible film, we don’t tell you about the syndicate. It’s what storytelling is all about, right? You do scene by scene.

AD: Did you find that you had to approach Silo any differently?

RF: No, I didn’t. I’m very simple in the sense that I read a script. I like the character, and I start deep diving and do the work that I need to do to bring her forth. There’s nothing different to the process of anything. Everything is different in the sense that it depends on the people you work with. I have four different directors. It’s a little different, but the process for me is the same.

AD: What is your process? Are there certain ways that you like to break down the script?

RF: I mean, no. To be honest, I don’t really talk about my process because it’s my process, but I like the show, I love the scale of the set, I love the team, and I love the fact that I get to sit in on the writer’s rooms if I’m allowed to. I get to be a part of the process. You know, it’s a love journey for me. This is a baby; this job is. It’s one of the happiest jobs that I’ve ever done.

AD: The set is so extraordinary. What is it like to be in that environment, to run through those stairs?

RF: That’s phenomenal. The fact that Apple has actually put so much effort into letting creators create the environment. You know, we have people come for set visits to see it because it’s so incredible. And we have three different locations where we film, in one area, in one town outside of London.

I’m so close to the visual effects guys. They’re very good friends of mine, [VFX supervisors] Paul [Bongiovanni] and Daniel [Rauchwerger], And I often ask them, ‘Okay, I can see the stairs. We’re looking at four turns that I can run, and we run them all the time up and down and up and down, and they’re different levels, right?’

But I often ask, ‘Show me what you’re doing. I want to see the visual effects that you’re going to put on so that I can act against the incredibleness that you’re going to bring.’ Because, to be honest, the silo wouldn’t be [possible] without the VFX team.

AD: Does having this level of access change how you might approach another project?

RF: You know what, that’s such a good question. I think being so much on the front foot. And being the lead and having a producer role. By producer role, I don’t analyze that in the sense that I know what a producer is, and I put a cap on it. I just have a voice, and I speak, and I listen, and I care for the people on set.

It’s a very, very, very good environment on our set. There is no hierarchy. Everyone does what they need to do because they’re hired to do a good job. No one steps in on someone’s toes. It’s collaborative. Not all sets are run like this.

So after Silo, I was worried about doing other films because I was thinking, ‘How am I going to react when sets are moody and when people are not nice, and when there are egos.’ But to be honest, I did Dune. I mean, it was a good place to go. I was like, ‘Oh, I can lean back. We’re good. This is run pretty well.’ And then I did Silo season 2 again, and then I did something else, and now I’m doing a thing [sci-fi drama Mercy] with Chris Pratt, who is one of the nicest human beings, ever.

I’m doing well, and I’m very fortunate with the sets and the environments, but I think I’ve learned—and I’ve learned this from Mission and Tom [Cruise] as well, who speaks up a lot—if things don’t work, communicate it.

Be clear, pause, listen, and take in when people who don’t really have a strong voice are trying to say something, and give them space to actively feel that they are involved in the process as well. That’s how you get the best of everyone.

AD: Did you make any adjustments coming into season two?

RF: No, I think it was all very much the same. Because we’d found a formula that just worked, we had new crew members, which was sad. We’d lost a couple to other shows. But other than that, I think we had about 80 percent of the people back. People were knocking to come back. It’s just a really happy set. And no, nothing’s new. New directors, so taking and listening to their approach and seeing how that works. But they also understand that they’re walking onto a functioning set.

AD: What is it like for you to be at the center of this thing that has become a cultural phenomenon? People are anxious for season two. I mean, it’s exciting, right?

RF: So exciting. Someone asked me, ‘When was the moment when you realized that this was something?’ I didn’t look for that. But it was the moment when Apple called. The show was out, the numbers were coming in, I read a couple of reviews, my husband was probably looking [things] up and kind of going, ‘it’s good. It’s good.’ But I didn’t want to take it in. Apple called, and they said, ‘It’s good. People are liking it.’ And I was like, ‘Okay, the numbers don’t lie. People are actually watching it.’ And the reviews were good, and they were compelled, and they were feeling what I had felt reading it and making it. And that is huge for me because I really care. I really fucking care.

AD: Okay, last question, if you could pick any role or position within the silo, what would you be? You’re so regal. You’d make a good mayor.

RF: Yeah, but I’m also Juliette, who’s not regal, right?

AD: Well, if you weren’t Juliette.

RF: I think that it would be really boring up top, to be honest. I think the regulations are dull, right? I think I would either be middle. I like farms and greenery. I need all of that. I’d probably run my own little shop of something, little knickknacks, paddywhacks. But I would have a foot down in the deep.

AD: Rebecca, I know this show means a lot to you. As I let you go, is there anything I haven’t asked you about that you’d like to mention? Do you have any final thoughts?

RF: Thank you. I mean, no, I think you’ve really nailed most of it. And I think the fact is people know the show is dystopian. And if you like the genre, I believe you would really love the characters around it. It has the most incredible cast, and it has a cast that has really nurtured their characters and the evolution of the characters. The fact that we’re going into season two is so overwhelmingly exciting. It makes me want to grab people and go, ‘Please just watch season one and know that we’re going into shit that is intense.’

[glisten-inthedark]

It’s honestly tragic to me that Mike and El never got to be just friends for longer than literally a week, barely

Mike and El only knew each other from Monday November 7 to around 12:50am Sunday November 13 (according to the timeline and the clock on the wall in the classroom when El kills the demogorgon)

That’s literally just under a week

And they ended that week with Mike kissing her and forever changing the trajectory of their relationship

Because once El starts living with Hop and watching TV, kissing is contextualized for her so she starts viewing Mike in that light. Not to say she wasn’t experiencing crush feelings during that First Week even without knowing what they were, but now she knows that kissing = romance so she now fully conceptualizes her and Mike’s relationship as romantic. And yes, you can be romantic and friends at the same time, and I honestly think El probably would have no reason to think otherwise, but there’s now an additional layer.

An added layer despite only knowing Mike for a week.

And sure, she visits him in her mindscape, but those are vignettes of him reaching out to her, not swathes of his daily life. We don’t know how much she saw, and it almost seemed like they got into a routine around the same time each night, so my guess is she didn’t visit him all day or at random times of the day.

At the end of the day, by the time, the Snow Ball rolls around, Ell still doesn’t know Mike very much. This is contrasted with Max and Lucas, where we only get to see less than a week of them interacting before the Snow Ball, but they’ve already had some vulnerable conversations with each other and we can presume that in the weeks leading up to it, they had a lot more conversations and interactions. We don’t know how much Mike visited El before the Snow Ball or if he was even allowed to visit the cabin before then, but any convo or interaction they could’ve had could’ve only been so deep because El is still learning to communicate and because we see in season 3 just how fabulous they are at communicating and how much they spend their time together….talking.

So they literally go from knowing each other for a week, Mike kissing her, then him spending a year essentially talking to a ghost and her popping in to hear him trying to reach out, to their reunion where she almost kissed him, to the Snow Ball, and then just straight into boyfriend/girlfriend.

They never got to be simply friends for longer than a week.

That’s not romantic. That’s sad.



Hello!

I agree with this on so many levels! Their friendship could've been so interesting and they could have developed so much more as friends instead of jumping straight into a relationship.

It'd a lot more wholesome for sure.

[erissdoesart]

hi, wanted to pop in as a Venom-liker who brainrots on AUs made up in my own mind and share one in my head

woe, platonic omegaverse be upon ye

and Ash boy!

SO because the novel world and modern world are different worlds we can fuck with this concept

such as the omegaverse being non-existant, at best a fictional trope in the novel's world

but Ash's world wasn't as lucky, humans and hybrids alike suffer an additional layer of instincts piled ontop of every other set of instincts they already have, oh boy!

Vibe Check!! Soot lost his wife, his kids, and has been forced into enemy territory, contact and the service of another enemy right before Ash punted his soul out the body

Ash is very fucking aware of this eventually after transmigrating, and he could manage bottling his human and elytrian instincts even with how his instincts mourn his death, old life and (not his) hatchlings that never were

That would be if brother didn't also have omega instincts to deal with which in the worst way recognize Soot's loss of a wife and kids as Ash's loss of a partner and nestlings

Oh, and piled with the fact that the few friendships Wilbur Ash had are long gone, making for the loss of the few friends he was comfortable scenting with, and scenting is a social activity nessecey for health, and you have An Even More Unhealthy Omega

Also with the lack of people with any of the three dynamics thus scents those dynamics produced, Ash is #unnerved as he can't read people like before and major social elements such as scents, pheromones, and noises unique to dynamics and seperate from hybrids and humans is completely lost to everyone but him

So now on top of being on edge 24/7, Ash is bordering shock, health complications of his dynamic and other needs being neglected, and oh yeah don't omegas have heats??

Depends on how we treat heats, like does Ash start not having heats for this period of time due to how bad his health is, or does his heats become worse than a healthy heat should be, nuking his higher thought with a lethal fever as he keens and his scent begs for anyone with a dynamic to bring him into their pack so he can feel safe

and what would be more interesting is how people react to Wilbur's dynamic without any context of Dynamics

"Like what's with the new perfume he's wearing and where did he get it, what message is he trying to convey to the Empire or others?

non-snake noises and reactions are kind of odd too"

Now imagine if depsite the lack of dynamics, the messages pheromones conveyed still reached people?

Theseus can just-- tell that Wilby's a good man and really just wants to cuddle and ruffle his hair (scenting the nestling, baby needs it) ((indignant techno and dadza noises))

Meanwhile Techno, Philza and the staff can't explain the way their shoulders locks, how they subtly still and are suddenly a wee more paranoid around Duke Soot, but Snake are devious things and it must be their gut instinct knowing such deep down

(no bitches, Ash is an omega scared of everyone and you inherently social pack animals are reacting to his scared-pheromones subconciously treating them as a warning from a fellow human/hybrid that there's danger near by)

(Techno reacts the worst to Wilbur's scared pheromones because Wilbur instinctually reacts the worst to his maybe-future-killer's presence making those meetings the times where Wilbur and those around him are the most paranoid)

brain melted lol

idk how to connect these but after the Dark SBI'ing and all that the castle would end up in a whole new schedule where whenever it's Wilbur heat time the entire place is on strict lockdown because biologically mandated fevers demanding cuddles will do that to the Royal Family's instincts

no pressure on asnweing this ask btw, especially if the omegaverse isn't your thing or you know nothing about it

Ngl idk how to respond

My main problem is, this is such a fun idea? I could see myself enjoying it, heck, enjoyed reading this!

But how in the fresh hell one would go about conflict resolution here

I'm baffled and dismayed. Good au anon, good au

And thanks for enjoying my work!

[the-forests-blessing]

Chapter 16

The forest is cold and damp this morning. 

     Just on the edge of the ancient woodland, orange and yellow leaves scatter the grasslands, carried out of the forest by the wind that stirs the limbs of every towering tree. Something that Lukas has learned to love about the forest here is the diversity in trees. Most coniferous biomes like this don’t have oaks and birches nestled in among the massive pines, those being the providers of the additional colors painting the outside world. The ecologist makes ample note of every tree species he finds; turning back a few pages to make note of extra details like the ivy climbing up the dark trunks, the presence of fungi growth, and sap production.

     Because of the rising colder temperatures, he decided to wear his jacket along with his adventure gear for the day. The crisp morning air pricks at his exposed legs, though he stays unbothered by it for the most part. After enduring an entire month in a freezing tundra, he thinks he’s gained some extra resistance points against the freezing climate, but that will never be enough to keep him from catching a shiver-inducing cold. He’s always hated the cold, and he doesn’t plan on making a trip back to the tundra anytime soon. 

     On his way to the Admin’s territory, he can never resist the urge to explore more of the nature that resides within the expansive forest. His journal on the natural forest is filling up fast. Much faster than the dark forest’s dedicated journal. 

     “Hmm…” Lukas stands at the base of a large oak, gazing upon the colorful oranges and yellows as the life gradually withers away from the leaves, not to return in that bright glorious green until spring. Lukas glances down at Dewey, the ocelot having also been staring up into the tree before averting his eyes to meet Lukas’. “You know, the colors of the leaves kind of match the color of your pelt and bandana,” the blond comments, reaching down to pet the big cat behind his ears. “My little autumn ocelot.” Dewey puffs his chest out and smiles proudly. 

     “Let’s keep going.” Lukas gives the goggles on his forehead a quick adjustment before nodding, stepping forward as the two tread deeper. The soul lantern given to him by the Admin is held within the author’s right hand. It’s wick stays unlit, just as it has ever since he was teleported from the forest only a few days prior. Lukas has spent plenty of time examining the lantern, trying to understand its purpose. The deity said… or well, implied through gestures that this would be the item that would lead Lukas back to him. But how?

     Lukas holds the lantern up in front of his face once again, gazing upon its lifeless interior. The author frowns, then lowers his hand to rest at his hip. Today he returns to the forest in hopes of asking Admin how to use it, plus he has been anxious to decompress all the knowledge he’s been itching to tell him about BeaconTown. That… and he is kind of hoping to expand a little more on this friendship.

      The closer he gets to the foggiest part of the forest, the more his stomach stirs uncomfortably. Why the nervous feeling all the sudden? He’s been here plenty of times, and now he’s welcome. Lukas sighs heavily, attempting to relieve whatever feeling is tempting his nerves into such mild discomfort by focusing on the lantern. Dewey keeps his narrowed eyes on the pensive man as the two walk together. 

     Once they both get to the dense fog layering the forest, Lukas glances down at his friend, meeting Dewey’s soft expression. “Well buddy, are you ready to go see the Admin?” Dewey’s nose scrunches up and he gives his head a quick shake ‘no’. Lukas just rolls his eyes. “Oh come on. He’s been nice to you since day one. Way nicer than he was when he first met me. I expect you to be on your best behavior today. No growling, no glaring, no hissing, no puffing up, no-”

     “Mrrrow…” Dewey pleads Lukas he stop where he’s starting. 

     “Haha, alright. You get the idea. Be a good boy today, and I’ll give you an extra minnow before bed tonight.” Lukas smiles at the way the ocelot seems to perk up at the idea of that. That long tail lifting into a candy cane shape, flicking side to side. Nothing can heal this cat's stubbornness better than the promise of a nice treat.

     With that, the two venture into the fog. 

     The fog no longer leads him through confusing twists and turns. Every time the human enters the woodland, he has to wonder if the Admin knows he’s here the moment he passes through the fog. There’s almost always a guiding path in the dense layer of blue mist that leads him to the other side where it then dissipates, welcoming Lukas into the dark forest within.

     Darkness shrouds his surroundings, the only light being the sky that just barely passes through the clusters of branches above. It’s still not anywhere close to being as dark as it is once the sun descends the distant mountains and darkness befalls the landscape. 

     Lukas’ attention is caught by a faint blue glow pulsating on the ground. The blond’s eyebrows raise with surprise, then he looks down as he holds the lantern up. “Huh…would you look at that.” Reflecting in his teal eyes is the soul that’s promised to guide him. The lantern has lit, although the flame is weak and small in size. Dewey watches from the author’s feet as the human examines the object curiously. 

     “So it only lights up here. That’s some crazy cool magic if I’ve ever seen it, huh Dew?” Lukas lowers the lantern down to the ocelot’s height, allowing the big cat to see the soul fire within. His emerald eyes reflect the blue light, and his whiskers purse outward as he gives the lantern a few sniffs, then he nods. If Lukas finds it interesting, then it must be. 

     The author emits a short chuckle before turning his gaze forward and pressing onward.

     The two make it quite deep into the forest. As they made progress, Lukas would occasionally glance down to find that the flickering flame had begun to grow in size. He’s not sure he’ll ever understand the Admin’s strange magic. It’s nothing like that of an evoker, and he’s no potion brewer, but he’s quite confident no potion could ever execute this kind of impossibility. He’s just a bit confused on how it’s supposed to lead him to the Admin. 

     Lukas holds the lantern up, keeping his focus fixated on the flickering flame. “Maybe the flame gets bigger as we get closer,” he wonders. Slowly, he moves the lantern to the right, noticing the way its flicker intensifies the more he moves it. “Or…maybe?” He now turns his body left, holding the lantern out and watching as the flickering weakens more…and more…until coming to a stabilized flame, flowing upward as if it were being held still. This is unlike anything he has ever seen before. The man repeats the motions; moving it right, then left, then more left, then back right.

     The flame comes to a calm only in one direction going forward, while pointing it any other direction leads the flame to begin flickering like normal again. Lukas expels a heavy breath, having not realized he’d been holding it in that entire time. 

      “Woah. Dewey, buddy, you aren’t going to believe this, but I think I figured it out.” Lukas casts his shining gaze down upon his spotted companion. Dewey kneads the dirt where he stands, a clear sign that he’s raring to go whenever Lukas is. Keeping the lantern held out in front of him, Lukas and Dewey return to their adventure.

     The run through the forest is long, the lit flame eventually leading the two to a familiar spot that holds a special place in Lukas’ heart. He can hear the rush of water not too far ahead now. With his heavy worksman boots, he’s able to surpass most obstacles that cross his path without the fear of slipping. The ridges on the soles of his boots provide excellent traction over slippery logs or smooth rock surfaces. He’s making it to the river in no time with Dewey following close behind. 

     Once they both emerge through the undergrowth, Lukas is once again blessed with an engrossing scene of pure natural beauty. The sun shines in through the gap where the sparkling river water flows. This isn’t the same spot he spent that short time with the Admin, but it’s certainly the same river. Dewey walks up to stand a few feet in front of him at the top of a grassy slope leading down to the river. Lukas lifts the lantern and guides it in any direction until its flickering flame calms. 

     Dropping it back down by his side, he realizes with a hint of disappointment that wherever the Admin is, he must be on the other side of this expansive body of water. Lukas touches his scarred chin in thought, skimming over the landscape before he decides to descend the slope until he’s standing just a foot away from the water lapping at the colorful shore rocks. He looks up and down the river to see if there’s any obstacles he can use to cross over, but from here, he doesn’t spot anything useful.

     “Alright Dewey, left or right? Use those keen senses of yours and find us a way across.” Lukas watches the ocelot tilt his head, giving the idea some thought before looking up and down stream. His ears swivel for the sound of any barriers in the current. To him, it sounds like the river gets much louder down stream. This may indicate faster river rapids which would be far more dangerous to attempt to cross, so the ocelot turns his nose up stream and begins padding along the river bank in that direction. 

     Lukas follows him for a couple minutes, snacking on some trail mix and allowing time to pass as the afternoon sun rises in the sky. Dewey keeps his tail held high while he walks, feeling the cold surfaces of the rocks beneath the pink pads of his paws as he bounds across the riverbank and hops up onto a large boulder next to some cattails, looking over the edge to see some larger rock formations sitting in the water. The river seems to have shrunk down, appearing far more shallow here. Much safer. 

     “Good job, buddy!” Lukas praises him, giving the jungle cat an affectionate head ruffle. Dewey emits a thankful purr. “Here,” the man reaches into the right pocket on his thigh, retrieving a minnow for the ocelot's job well done. While Dewey indulges himself in his treat, Lukas steps forward towards the shore, looking over the boulders sitting in the calm current. “Hmm…not bad. I think we can manage this one.” 

     He lifts the lantern once more, holding it out towards the river. The flame flickers a little until he holds it more to the right, watching it sway calmly, then flicker again. He holds it more to the left, discovering the calm light is most likely following something as he continues to slowly turn it more left until he’s once again facing outward. “So cool…” Lukas draws out his amazement at the magic in a low whisper. “I wonder if that’s the Admin.” 

     Lukas stuffs the lantern away into his inventory. Approaching the rocky riverbed, he gives it a thorough look over, really debating on whether or not he’ll be able to make it across. The stones do have some distance from one another. Ahh, it can’t at all be worse than having to watch his step in the unimaginably wet mangrove swamps. Mud…and water…but so much more mud. The blond grimaces at the thought, recalling how he’d lost a new pair of boots in the mud because he’d overestimated its density. 

     That was only more motivation for him to write this book. He would have loved to know what a sticky mess he’d been walking into and how to tread across such muddy landscape. 

     Taking a step forward, he steps out onto a rock, then hops out onto another. The stream here is much calmer, and far more shallow. He can see the rocky riverbed clearly through the crystalline glacier water. From the rock where he stands, Lukas looks back to see Dewey trotting down from the boulder he’d stood upon, now reaching Lukas at the previous rock. “Be careful, Dew. You fall into this and you’ll be grooming your pelt for hours.” 

     Dewey huffs and thrashes his tail at the idea. No, he would not like that. 

     One stone after another, Lukas is beginning to feel far more confident with each big step. The two have nearly made it across when a sudden movement offshore catches the author’s attention, causing him to look up from where he’s stepping. He doesn’t even have time to react to the feeling of his hair standing on end before his boot is slipping on the rock and he feels himself falling backwards— then everything goes white.

     “Ah-!” The human falls backwards onto some grass, then in a flash of white, Dewey falls on top of him. “Oof!” The human grunts at the heavy weight of his large cat companion falling atop his belly. 

     The ocelot immediately sits up, wide eyed with shock. Wincing with pain and rubbing where Dewey fell, Lukas’ eyes flick up from his companion, glaring outward towards the forest until he sees the cause of the sudden teleportation, glowing eyes staring back at him from within the protection of the dark trees. Without thinking, Lukas pushes Dewey off and frantically digs into his inventory, pulling out the lantern and holding it out towards the shadowed presence. The blue flame is straight and sharp, almost unsettling in the way the fire doesn’t move or flicker. It only blinks in and out every other second. 

     Lukas stands up now, lowering the lantern. He rests his now peaceful gaze upon that of the Admin watching him from the tree line. Oh great. He totally saw that. Lukas has to retain the urge to cringe inwardly from his seemingly endless bout of clumsiness. Seriously, it only seems to be around this guy that he finds himself becoming a complete klutz. Instead, the human jogs across the clearing, closing his distance between him and the unmoving shadow. The closer he gets, the more of the deity’s features come into view as the darkened world closes around him. 

     “H-heeey…” Lukas comes to a stop a few feet from the Admin. The seven foot tall man doesn’t budge, but the glow of his turquoise irises do, following the human’s movement until he reaches him. “So uhh…” Lukas runs his hand up the back of his neck, emitting an awkward laugh. “Pretend you didn’t see that.” The Admin simply raises his scarred eyebrow at him, then shakes his head. “Wha-? No? Auugh, listen I swear I’m not usually this clumsy. I made it all over the world without uhh…too many slip ups.” He smiles innocently.

     The Admin merely huffs, turning his head, then his body away, walking back into the forest. Lukas stands where he is, a worried expression growing on his features until the deity stops and turns his head back towards him…and waits. A relieved smile returns to the human’s features. He follows him into the desire path, turning back to make sure Dewey was following along. 

     The ocelot enters the trailhead cautiously, looking nervous yet keeping himself reserved in the unsettling presence of the Admin. 

     “I think I figured out how to use your lantern,” Lukas says. “I’ve been struggling with it back in BeaconTown. I seriously thought I broke it or something until I finally got back to the forest and it lit up again. Then I held it up and followed the path the flame guided us in all the way to the river.” The author attempts to keep distance between them both as the Admin walks at a casual pace in front of him. All he can really see is his bushy moss pelt and nothing else past it with the deity’s large form in the way. 

     “We’re on the other side of the river, right? Dewey and I had been looking for a way across for a while until he found that rocky path. Which , by the way, I absolutely was more than capable of crossing on my own. Something just…distracted me.” He slows down at the thought before picking up his pace. “But it won’t happen again!” 

     The Admin doesn’t respond, nor does he stop walking forward. Lukas is sure he’s listening to him, but he can’t really expect much from a mute forest god. So Lukas looks back at Dewey, his companion looking back at him with a tilt of his head, but overall he doesn’t seem as uncomfortable to be here which is definitely a relief. Lukas looks ahead again and walks a bit faster, getting closer…

       “Ssssooo…where are we headed? I’ve never been on this side of the forest. Oh and where’s your Allay? I brought sugar cookies for you both.” He says, then freezes when he sees an incredible patch of mushrooms at the base of a tree nearby. Surrounded by moss, the fungi grow along the large tree roots, but these mushrooms are entirely different than anything he’s seen before. They’re glowing cyan! Lukas’ jaw drops, but the deity continues walking without him. Looking back at him, then the mushrooms, then back at the Admin, with the will of the Creators, Lukas uproots and follows him, leaving the lit mushroom patch behind. 

     “Those mushrooms back there were glowing! Did you see that? I mean you obviously have since you live here and all, but I’ve never seen anything like it.” To Lukas’ amazement, more and more show up as the three dive deep into the heart of the ancient woodland. He must withhold his excitement. The Admin doesn’t need to see him freak out over mushrooms. He already went on a crazy ramble session under the stars the other night and most likely talked the man’s ears off. At least to the point he felt the need to sit back and lay down. 

     Eventually they reach an area with notable changes in scenery. The trees are much more gnarled and twisted. Gloomy in the otherwise beautiful forest. When Lukas looks closer, he’s certain he’s seeing a strange glow illuminating through the cracks of the bark at the base of the tree trunks. Woah. What is this influence? What…are his powers? Unnaturally quiet, Lukas finds himself in awe of the unimaginable magic flowing around him. 

      How is this possible? Lukas constantly wonders this whenever he discovers something new about the forest, as well as its protector. With lack of attention, the human keeps his gaze glued to the strange foliage until he’s accidentally bumping into a certain mossy cape. The blond emits a grunt, backs up and looks upward towards the Admin who now turns to glare down upon his smaller form.

     “S-sorry,” Lukas apologizes, then his attention is grasped by the new area he’s walked into. Stepping aside and past the Admin, the trail leads into a unique area. The ground here is fully covered in moss with clovers mixed in, and the trees are dark and jagged. An abnormal growth that Lukas has never seen before on conifers. “Oh woooah..” He looks all around, taking in the cozy space until he notices the deity is once again on the move, this time slowly approaching the mossy ground, then slowly settling upon it, sitting crisscrossed. He looks at Lukas, waiting. 

     The human feels that warm rush run through him when he makes eye contact with him. Holding his satchel close, he walks over to the area where the large man quietly sits, enthralled by how bumpy the earth is here. Lots of shallow dips and divots in the ground overgrown with moss and clovers. It looks like a tumbling river of moss to him. Lukas can’t help but wonder how beautiful it would look here with the full sun shining down upon the lush green blanket. 

     Lukas takes a moment to debate on how close he should sit until he decides about two feet away from him should be fine. Right? He sat directly beside him by the fire the other night. Only a few inches kept them apart. Surely this is fine. Lukas settles down, picking up his gaze to look back where Dewey still stands, the ocelot hesitant to get closer. Lukas holds his hand out,  speaking soft as silk to his weary companion. “Come here, Dewey. He won’t hurt you.” 

     Dewey seems resistant, and for a moment Lukas worries he isn’t going to accept the invitation. To his relief, the ocelot steadily pads over, keeping his wide eyes locked on the Admin, the deity keeping eye contact until Dewey finally settles down into Lukas’ lap where he too sits crisscrossed. 

     From the corner of his eye, Lukas sees the Admin move, slowly edging closer with a reaching hand that hesitates over Dewey’s head. The ocelot puffs up and lowers; Lukas can feel just how tense he is, so he quickly pets him along his back, attempting to sooth. That’s when the Admin’s massive hand comes down to rest upon Dewey’s head, using his large thumb to squish and rub the cat’s forehead, then easing his palm down to a gentle pat. This gentle, yet clearly inexperienced attention, seems to surprise the jungle cat. Another pet, and another, and Lukas feels that tension begin to ease. 

     Lukas looks up to Admin, watching his default grumpy expression soften as he pets Dewey on the head. Touching him for the first time. Lukas feels so…pleased with this. This might be the greatest thing to have happened so far. Nothing makes him happier than seeing Dewey happy, and for Dewey to finally come out of his spotted shell and calm down towards Admin, Lukas feels gratified, and so, so relieved. 

     “Do you like animals?” He asks the deity, to which there’s an almost immediate nod in response. Lukas smiles, happy to hear it. “Me too. Have you ever met an ocelot before?” The Admin pauses his petting briefly, thinking on the question before shaking his head. “Well they’re pretty awesome, I can tell you that. Dewey is a special ocelot for sure. I found him while I was exploring this massive jungle biome. I’d just finished inspecting a jungle temple when I came across him hiding beneath one of those big jungle tree roots, all by his lonesome.” Lukas looks down, petting along the black stripe on the cat’s back.

     “He was so tiny back then. You could almost hold him right in the palm of your hand,” he says, holding out his palm, then glancing over at the Admin’s. “Well, you probably could have held him in the palm of your hand,” he chuckles softly. The deity only huffs at that. “Anyway, I had some raw salmon I’d caught on the way to the temple that I was going to have for lunch, but he looked so weak and hungry, that when I offered the fish out to him, he came up and took it instantly. Then he just kept following me and I realized I didn’t want him to stop.”

     Lukas looks back on the memory fondly. “I’ve always really loved cats. They’re independent and like to stick to their own instincts, unlike dogs who just follow people around and constantly crave attention. Don’t get me wrong, I love dogs, but I think I was made to be more of a cat person.” Lukas shrugs the coat off his shoulders a bit to show off the ocelot patch he has on the side of his adventure gear. 

     “I was given this patch in my ecology class back at the Citadel. Everyone got a patch with a different mob on it so we could all use code names while out in the field. Only reason is because some people aren’t always able to decide their name when they first spawn into the world. We had a few no names in the class, so this made things a bit easier. I guess being the ocelot really spoke to me.” Lukas glances up at the deity. “If you had to choose a mob, do you know what  yours would be?”

     The dark blue man’s overshadowed eyes shift away from Lukas, his petting hand retreating from Dewey as well to return to the Admin’s lap. There’s a pause, allowing Lukas to soak in the silence of the forest surrounding him until his satchel suddenly opens on its own and his journal lifts from its confines. 

     “O-oh wait that’s–!!” Lukas attempts to reach out and snag it, startling Dewey in his lap, but it reaches the Admin first. The deity takes it into both his hands, the author’s quill following along after the journal where he then grabs it too, then opens the book. Lukas feels like he’s shrinking down five times his size as mortification sets in. He covers his blushing face with both hands, unable to watch the shameful scene of the Admin flipping through the copious amounts of sketches Lukas has drawn of him and the Allay. 

      I think now would be a great time to find another hole to curl up and die in.

      There’s a drawn out silence between when Admin lands on a page, then finally flips it, pauses, and flips again and again until Lukas feels the weight of his journal settle gently on his knee. Uncovering his face, he’s positively pink when he shamefully looks over at the man who gestures tapping on the journal, then another double handed gesture that resembles that of flipping through a book. 

      Too embarrassed to speak, Lukas opens the journal and cringes as he quickly flips through many pages until he lands on a blank sheet. He’s only basing this off the assumption of the deity’s hand movements. With a heavy sigh, he hands it back over to the Admin. There’s another long silence between the two. A nice Dewey loaf sits in Lukas’ lap, the ocelot keeping his eyes closed while he rests. The sound of a quill tapping against paper is the only thing Lukas’ senses latch onto until finally, after nearly a minute, the journal is handed back to him.

     Lukas takes it and… wow.

     The blond's embarrassment is replaced with genuine confusion. He’ll never forget the ‘NO’ Admin wrote in the journal a few weeks prior. He’s spent plenty of time staring at the page and wondering what the rest of the deity’s handwriting looks like. The words on the page are nearly unintelligible. Very messy with disconnected lines attempting to piece the letters together. Lukas examines it, attempting to read the Admin’s…complex penmanship. 

      Okay that looks like a ‘P’. How do you mess up an ‘I’? Is this supposed to be a ‘G’? 

     …Pig.

      Lukas nods. “Okay, so you like pigs, huh? Are they your favorite animal?” Lukas looks back at the Admin, the forest deity giving him a single nod. He smiles, finding that to be quite a cute response. He was expecting something crazy like an enderdragon or a ravager. Something extreme, or perhaps unheard of. “Cool, I like pigs too. Spent a lot of time watching some out on a farm I had passed while traveling. The curls in their tails are cute, and I like the floppy ears.” 

     The Admin is silent as he settles his glowing eyes on something in front of him, Lukas following the direction he’s looking in, but seeing nothing out of the ordinary. The Admin always looks distant in thought whenever he isn’t looking directly at Lukas. The author can’t help but wonder what goes on behind those overshadowed eyes. 

     Lukas glances back down at the page the Admin wrote on. “You…must not write very much.” He assumes by the struggle the Admin seems to endure whenever it comes to writing. He doesn't look back at Lukas, keeping his distant eyes averted. That's okay, Lukas doesn't mind the man keeping his attention elsewhere as he listens. “You know, since we're friends now, I'd be happy to uhm…maybe spend a little more time together? I could help you with your handwriting? What do you say?”

     Admin’s eyes snap back at him suddenly, causing the author to inhale sharply and look away. Maybe that was too big of an ask? He did say they could be friends now. Spending time together is important for bonding, right? 

     The journal is gently grabbed from Lukas’ hands, teal eyes following the movement. He stays silent this time, feeling that strange feeling of excitement run through him all over again. It makes him feel so weird, but he’s thrilled to bits that the Admin is finally taking up his idea to simply write to him what he’s thinking. Perhaps this is what it feels like to actually have someone you enjoy being around? 

     When the journal is handed back, below the ‘pig’ is another three letter word. This one confuses Lukas, not because he can’t read it, but because it’s not exactly an answer.

      W h y

      “W–why what?” Lukas glances back at him, his brows furrowed with confusion. The author jolts when the silent air is suddenly filled with that of a deep, distorted growl. It almost sounds crackly. Very broken. The journal is taken back into the Admin’s hand, and the next couple minutes are spent with Lukas watching the deep blue man’s expression turning from grumpy, to furious, with his scarred nose scrunching as he grits his teeth. The sound of the quill tapping against the paper sounds like it's undergoing significant pressure. Then he goes back to that blank slate.

     The Admin hands the journal back to Lukas, and the blond's heart feels like it drops into his stomach.

      W h y   n o t   s c a r d  

     Scard…? Wait no… “Wh-...Why not scared?” Lukas read out loud. He quickly looks back at the Admin, worry etching across his features. He doesn’t understand the question at all. “Scared of what?” 

     The Admin slowly looks back at him, that stern, angry expression returning in a way that makes Lukas worry even more. The deity’s gloved hand raises, his exposed blue index finger pointing back at himself. Just when he thought his heart couldn’t plummet any further…

     “Why would I be scared of you?” Lukas’ voice softens, his eyes frantically searching the Admin’s own, feeling those icy white pupils bore into him. He clearly is expectant of an answer. Lukas doesn’t need to take the time to think to show him his honesty. 

     “You haven’t really given me a reason to be scared of you, Admin… The first time I ever saw you, you saved me from that muddy pitfall. Then you did it again with that net trap, and again when those mobs were chasing me. Heh, and I guess earlier back at the river somewhat.” Lukas rubs at his arm, smiling at the memories, even if they had been exceedingly embarrassing in the past. “And you have a connection to nature, like me.” He says, putting his hand over his heart. “You’ve been protecting me ever since I came here. You were even protecting me from…” The author pauses, staring deep into those unblinking eyes. His heart is pounding.

     “Yourself.” Lukas says sadly, recalling the now somewhat humorous memories of Admin teleporting him out over and over again. Trying to keep Lukas out. Trying to keep him away. It may be a good thing Lukas was so damn adamant about coming back to find out the truth behind who his savior truly was. He remembers the first time the Admin confirmed with him that he is, in fact, just that. The Admin. And that he is indeed the one that the hunters are trying to reach whether it be through means of trapping, or burning out the forest until there’s nothing left.

     Lukas shakes his head. He cannot fathom the idea of simply leaving the Admin here on his own. Not after what he’d learned. He puts his hand down between them, turning a bit and adjusting appropriately to keep Dewey comfortable in his lap. 

     “You’ve never scared me. Well, actually when you tore those mobs apart, I'll admit, it was pretty alarming, but also really cool. You're so powerful and…all I ever wanted was to learn more about you. To learn what you are, who you are, and why you’re here. But… I messed all that up in the beginning expecting the answers to come out all at once.” Lukas sighs, regretful of his previous selfish actions. “I’ve wanted nothing more than to make it up to you and to, well, I guess get to know you properly. You’re…” Lukas swallows the block in his throat, feeling that flurry all over again. “You’re the first friend I’ve ever had.” 

     Dewey’s tail thumps against the author’s thigh. Lukas chuckles, looking down to gift him a couple pets. “Oh well now, I suppose Dewey was first place in that regard but… You’re the first person I’ve ever been friends with.” 

     The deity stares for a few moments longer before looking away, gazing forward into the distant fog. Lukas keeps an eye on his big blue friend’s scarred face, watching the way his furrowed features begin to soften, perhaps relaxing into the words of reassurance. Lukas can only hope that is the case. A few more silent moments pass where the only sound around them is the wind blowing against the tops of the tall evergreens, causing them to gently sway. 

     The Admin takes the journal back once again and stares at its pages, taking his time to consider his next response. Lukas eagerly waits, taking the time to mull over his own thoughts. The quill begins tapping away at the paper again, and once it's finally handed back, Lukas can see a change in expression, or perhaps confidence? The deity reaches up to ruffle his own mess of dark, shadowy blue curls while glancing away from the human. 

      N o t  s c a r y  

      Lukas’ jaw drops, staring down at the conglomerate of messy penmanship. Scary? Lukas looks up at Admin, the man keeping his softened gaze averted away from the human. The author looks back down, pondering the question before he looks up again, speaking softly, with deep consideration. “No, Admin… You’re not scary.” Lukas can only imagine he means his physical appearance. “...Do you think you are?” 

     The shadowy forest god sitting in front of him doesn’t speak, but for some reason, this lack of response is truly deafening. Lukas’ frown deepens even more so when the Admin lifts his palms, flips them over, then upright again, staring down into the torn, worn out leather from many lonely years of use. Our sympathetic author can’t bear to watch this abused person silently succumb to his own foggy perception of his being. The Admin emits a near silent sigh, keeping his gaze fixated on the hands that now reside in his lap. 

     Whilst Lukas sits quietly, undergoing his feelings of empathy for the Admin, Dewey also watches the man. His eyes are lush green as the moss surrounding them, sparkling like the morning dew. 

     “Well, I certainly don’t think you’re scary,” Lukas starts, and, with a rise in confidence, scoots just a bit closer. “Maybe a little intimidating at times, sure,” he chuckles softly, smiling warmly over the many times the Admin nearly knocked Lukas off his feet in shock of his imposing sudden appearances. “But I don’t think you look scary.” Lukas glances away, feeling his cheeks warm. “Why do you think I have all those drawings of you? You’re…” He slowly draws his gaze up, the process of realization happening in real time as he speaks. “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met.” 

     The Admin slowly turns his head, giving the author a look that Lukas doesn’t think he’s ever seen on the man. Linking eye contact makes his stomach flip, and this time Lukas really feels it. His blond brows furrow and he drops his scarred jaw, struggling once again to understand this feeling. It keeps happening, and it’s such an uncomfortable, yet… surprisingly nice sensation. He attempts to shake it off by sitting up a bit more, redirecting his attention back to the matter at hand.

     Lukas turns just a bit, a little more than a foot away from the sitting deity now, he hesitantly reaches. He’s not sure if he’s allowed to do this. He feels so weird doing this. Lukas applies a gentle touch to the Admin’s leather shoulder pad, immediately feeling the cold temperature the deity constantly exerts. All he can think in his mind right now is that… he wants him to feel better. That’s what friends do. They look out for each other. 

     He feels ultimate relief when the Admin doesn’t move away, curl his scarred lip to bare his white teeth, or growl at him. He keeps himself stationary, never taking his eyes off Lukas. 

     “I know appearances can be hard to handle sometimes. Every time I look in the mirror I find myself staring at the scar on my jaw.” Lukas emits a deep sigh, feeling the scar now, using the pad of his thumb to feel the deep scar tissue. This is the only scar he has on his body, knowing this scar is truly nothing at all in comparison to the bright turquoise scars that cut deep all across the Admin’s dark blue face, then recalling even more on his hand. He cannot even begin to fathom what the rest of his body may look like under all those thick layers. “It took me a long time to realize that I shouldn’t care what people think of my appearance… I’m just… me. And you’re you. And I have never seen anything wrong with you.” 

     Lukas keeps the eye contact connected, hoping that what he’s saying is good enough. 

     “I’ve… I dunno. Always thought your blue skin was,” Lukas sucks in a sharp breath, then blurs out, “kind of pretty.”  

     That in itself earns a scoff from the Admin, the deity crossing his arms and looking away. Lukas pauses and blinks, then shakes his head. “What? No, I'm being serious!” He insists with a more urgent tone. “Listen, I’ve been all over the world and seen all the kinds of people there is to see. None of them have ever amounted to anything quite like you. You’re… you’re…” The Admin slowly turns his head to look back at him as Lukas’ voice carries off, whisked away by the little duck feather and rock bead charm the Admin made for himself. 

     It gives him a color that truly stands out. The Admin’s entire form is made up of dark browns, clung together through tight straps or the utility belt over his wide hips. His tattered pants are a darker shade, although they are torn in some places, exposing the blue skin underneath. Overall, Admin is a being of darkness. But the charm he created for himself seems to glow bright against everything else. In other words, the author finds it quite beautiful…just as the rest of him. 

     Lukas swallows rough, feeling as though he might shatter if the Admin were to do so much as move away. “You’re wonderful, Admin. And I don’t think you’re scary, or that I could ever truly be scared of you. And I… uhh,” his voice cracks with a sudden wave of nervousness. “I really like the feather by the way. It suits you very well. …Beautiful, even.” Lukas’ cheeks are a steady pink pigment while he speaks, the hold where he cups the Admin’s large shoulder strengthens. 

     The Admin’s jaw drops, a clear sign of shock, as Lukas remembers. The author stares at him, unable to take his eyes off the sudden display of mixing purple and blue discoloration that lightly dusts over the deity’s freckled cheeks before the man is suddenly tensing and looking away. His hand is shrugged off the Admin’s shoulder, practically dropping limp to the ground beside Lukas as the blond sits, stunned. 

     Before Lukas can even find the words to speak, he feels Dewey shift in his lap, rising from the warm nest he made within Lukas’ crossed legs. One little white paw sets itself down on the ground between the two, then another. A big stretch commences, followed up with more paw padding and, to Lukas’ further surprise, making his approach towards the Admin. Dewey keeps his eyes on the man as he gives him a few sniffs, locking eyes with the glowing irises until the ocelot is making the bravest move Lukas has ever seen.

     One paw lands in the middle of the Admin’s lap, followed by another, then the rest of Dewey’s large body eases itself slowly and cautiously into the deity’s lap. The Admin’s hands lift, visibly uncertain as he watches him circle a few times before he settles casually, resting his chin against a large thigh, then closing his eyes. 

     Lukas can’t believe it. He… genuinely cannot believe it. And then all of the sudden, he can.

     “You know, it’s said that cat’s are able to sense the good in people's hearts.” Lukas smiles fondly, finding the scene unfolding before him to be so precious. Definitely to be journaled later. 

     The Admin looks back at him, his glowing irises grown big and warmed by emotion. Lukas breathes softly, though his heart pounds heavy in his chest. Lukas has never been one to feel… any sort of attraction to anyone leading up to this moment. Yet he can’t take his eyes off the adorably soft expression on the man, an emotion he’s never seen before on him. He looks so sweet, Lukas feels like he can hardly breathe. 

     Lukas is the one to look away first this time, the Admin’s warm gaze glued to him as the blushing author reaches into the pocket of his coat, grabbing the sugar cookies he’d wrapped in cloth before coming here. “Here, Admin. You could use one of these.” He offers one of the baked goods out to the deity, watching glowing eyes shift from him, to the cookies, then back to him before the cookie is then taken. 

     The two settle into silence, sharing the cookies and sitting together to experience this new feeling.

[smilingformoney]

Happy 63rd Birthday to our favourite dungeon bat!

To celebrate, I’ve written a lil something about Snape’s 63rd birthday, which he definitely spent alone and not surrounded by love. Honest.

Even after so many years, Severus wasn’t sure he would ever get used to this.

The war had been over for a long time now. In fact, later that year would mark the 25th anniversary of the final battle against the Dark Lord, when he had been defeated at last and the wizarding world had begun to know some semblance of peace.

Despite Severus’ protestations, Harry Potter had made it his mission to let the world know what his grumpy old Potions teacher had done for the world. He had even gone so far as to name his second son after him. And ever since, the two men who had once been enemies now had something of a friendship. Severus had attended Potter’s wedding to Ginny Weasley, and occasionally allowed the odd Christmas visit.

After recovering from the near-fatal snake bite he had been inflicted during the battle, Severus had moved into a small house of his own, isolated from the world and with plenty of garden space, just how he liked it. He could grow his ingredients, brew his potions and write his books in peace.

It had been Potter who had suggested Severus publish his improved potion recipes, and Severus soon discovered he enjoyed writing books; it was a lot easier to teach when he couldn’t be interrupted. He could simply write the information, and dunderhead students could do with it as they wished without bothering him.

And so, despite his desire to stay hidden from the world, Severus had become something of a well-known writer, and somehow, even over ten years since his last publication, he still received well wishes on his birthday from fans of his work.

Most of the letters he awarded a cursory glance before being tossed aside. He was in the process of sifting through the letters when a knock came at the door. With a great sigh, Severus lifted himself from his armchair and made his way to the door as slowly as he could, hoping that if he took his time, the visitor would go away.

No such luck. On his doorstep was none other than Potter himself.

Severus sighed. “Yes?”

“Morning, Professor. Happy birthday.”

Over 25 years, and Potter still insisted on calling him Professor. To make up, he claimed, for all the years he spent disrespectfully dismissing his title.

“It was until you arrived. What do you want?”

Potter smiled, apparently blissfully unaware of Severus’ attitude.

“I just wanted to give you your birthday present.” Potter held up a neatly wrapped parcel, which his wife had almost certainly wrapped for him - Potter’s wrapping skills were about as proficient as that of potion-making.

Severus eyed the package suspiciously. Potter always sent his presents by owl, or delivered them along with a Christmas present in December.

“It won’t explode, I promise. Kept it away from George especially.”

With a reluctant sigh, Severus took the present. “Thank you, I suppose,” he grumbled. “Am I expected to invite you in?”

“Only if you want to.”

“Well, I don’t.”

Potter chuckled. “Well, alright then. Happy birthday, Professor.”

He turned and left to apparate away, leaving Severus in peace with a ridiculous box. He shut the door and returned to his well-worn armchair. He groaned when he saw the pile of letters still waiting to be opened.

Still, he supposed he should open Potter’s present. As he unwrapped the layer of paper, he began to realise that the box was cold from more than just the January air - it seemed to be under the effects of a cooling spell.

“What have you done, Potter?” Severus muttered as he waved his wand to open the box and lift out the contents. Frozen in suspended animation to prevent damage, in addition to the cooling spell to prevent melting, was a blancmange.

Severus stared at the dessert for a few moments, taken aback. He realised then that a note was floating alongside it, which read:

Dear Professor Snape,

A little birdie told me this was your favourite. Even after all these years, there’s always more to learn about you.

Stop by for tea soon, won’t you?

- Harry, Ginny, James, Albus and Lily

No, actually, he wasn’t getting emotional. He was irritated, and anyone who tells you otherwise is a liar attempting to sully the name of Severus Snape. He was a grumpy, irritable recluse. He wasn’t friends with Harry Potter, and he certainly wasn’t constantly taken aback by the kindness shown to him by a man who had every right to hate him.

Severus Snape spent his birthdays alone, just as he liked it, and on pain of death he would never swear otherwise.

…Oh, alright.

But don’t tell anyone.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

LITBC Part Three: Now Introducing, Kylie

Okay, it looks like I get to talk about what I am now claiming is my incredible, dead-center accurate read on Young and how his relationships continue to falter. In Part One, I talked about how I believed one of the biggest reasons that Young and Jaehee slowly drifted apart in their friendship was because at some point Jaehee got serious and Young still could not allow himself to experience deep emotion, brushing everything off as a joke. Pretending it didn’t matter. Pretending it didn’t hurt. 

And it’s curious to me because I feel like we got to see Young leaning in to the deeper emotions, the heavier pain during Part Two, but it wasn’t enough to alter him wholly, though considering how he describes his relationship with Gyu-ho as boring it seems like there are parts of him that are starting to change. Just…not enough because when it comes down to the actual tough, serious shit, he still can’t bring himself to feel it, to voice it. He can’t do anything but smile through it, and as someone who has dealt with people like that it is frustrating as fuck to try over and over again to be there for someone, to offer support, a listening ear, understanding and sincerity and just be met with a joke. 

Maybe it’s just cause I’ve spent more time in his head now, or maybe it’s because he’s starting to loosen his grip just a little, but the death by a thousand paper cuts was really bleeding through the chapter for me in relation to Young and how he navigates his HIV diagnosis. To be clear, I do not mind that he calls it Kylie, that he has put his own name to it, that he considers is a part of him, that it’s almost like family to him. But that does not negate the fact that he does not ever say it. He never says “HIV” not once in the entirety of Part Three does he write the words HIV.

He describes it all, how he got it, what his symptoms are (his description of the fever and the red patches matches common symptoms of acute HIV to a T), he jokes about it with his friends, and otherwise he keeps it hidden, until Gyu-ho becomes important enough in his life that he has no choice but to tell him. And in all these instances Young is taking it harshly. His healthcare providers don’t deliver the news with care, going the homophobic route of asking Young what sex position he prefers while delivering his diagnosis. 

You know what I find extremely interesting about this book so far is how terribly the healthcare industry has been presented. That is not to say there aren’t problems, there are plenty of problems with healthcare both systemic issues and individual provider issues, I am not necessarily trying to say he is wrong in his portrayal. I just noticed that in Part One we got Jaehee’s terrible shame-y doctor and Young’s terrible homophobic nurses, in Part Two we got the psychiatric facility that essentially tortured Young for six weeks before telling him his mother was actually the problem and offering him no additional support for what they had just put him through, in Part Three his providers are homophobic and not only that but Gyu-ho’s brother who is in medical school is described as the most dickish, vile, piece of shit to date. 

Young’s HIV diagnosis definitely recontextualizes some stuff from Parts One and Two, (forgive me for not going in to further detail, I was brain foggy when I ready Part Two last week and can’t recall a lot from it off the top of my head) but moreover it adds an additional layer to Young’s utter refusal to let himself feel. Every aspect of Young’s HIV diagnosis is harsh, the healthcare providers who break the news are harsh, T-ara’s jokes about the HIV+ guy they see walking past after Young is essentially forced to out his status (want to just call out the parallel here between Young having to out himself in college and then having to out himself with friends) are harsh, the barriers that he faces and his fears of discrimination in the workforce are harsh. The only person who is ever soft about it is Gyu-ho. 

And I do think that scares him, and where Young calls himself dickmatized for his boyfriend in Part Two, in Part Three he just keeps calling Gyu-ho cute, he and Gyu-ho live together for awhile, they split up but come back to one another, Young seems more settled. And honestly, I think that has a lot to do with the fact that they aren’t having sex. 

I feel the need to clarify, since book club has a lot of people who I don’t think are as familiar with my essay content, that I am not anti-sex. I don’t think that Gyu-ho and Young’s relationship is as successful as it is for as long as it is because sex is morally wrong and they shouldn’t be doing it or anything like that. I think that the absence of sex in Gyu-ho and Young’s relationship forces Young to actually consider what a relationship looks like to him and what he wants out of it. The Young we met in Part One was a fuck-the-pain-away kind of person, he and Jaehee got along so well partially because they were both sluts and therefore knew they could talk about their sexual encounters without being shamed or judged. 

In Part Two, Young really seems to use his boyfriend as a distraction from his mother and his mother’s treatments. He allows himself to ignore huge disparities in his relationship for some dick, he changes parts of himself for some dick, he attempts suicide after losing that dick. As the wise @bengiyo always says, dick is not magical, it cannot fix you. And Young really has to reckon with that in Part Three when he gets in to a relationship with a man who actually feels things, unlike himself, unlike Jaehee, unlike his ex because Young can’t use sex as a crutch. 

Full disclosure, I hadn’t heard about condom-associated erectile problems (CAEP) until reading this book. Had no clue that was a thing before. Bearing in mind that these studies are over a decade old, studies have shown that erection loss can occur in roughly 14-28% of people during condom application. At the time of Part Three, pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) which helps minimize the chances of acquiring HIV should you be exposed to the virus was not on the market in South Korea. Truvada and Descovy are the two branded PrEP medications, Truvada has been on drug markets since 2004 (when it was taken in combination with other medications) but was not approved for use without other med combinations in the United States until 2012, the first CDC guidelines for Truvada usage came out in 2014, and Truvada did not hit South Korean drug markets until 2018 with Descovy following close behind in 2019. PrEP is an incredibly important drug in HIV prevention because it reduces the risk of acquiring HIV via by up to 99% (and reduces the chance of getting HIV from injection drug use by 75%!) 

If PrEP had been around at the time, it would have been expensive and likely unaffordable for at a time when Gyu-ho’s income was helping to support not only himself by Young as well (Truvada in South Korea cost over $10 a pill and must be taken daily, so Gyu-ho would have had to shell out $300 a month for the medication alone). Compare that to the first antiretroviral treatment (ART) in South Korea, zidovudine which is supplied for free by the South Korean government, or their highly-active antiretroviral treatment (HAART) which was covered by insurance. Studies have shown that triple combination therapy, that is three different medications, were able to reduce HIV to undetectable levels within one month for 70% of patients and to 90% of patients within one year. Considering Young’s mention of liver protection medication, he is likely on a triple combination therapy. 

Is this a tangent? Yes. But did this all make me realize something? Also yes. Young never gets a blood test. With a consistent HAART regimen this is an extremely high likelihood that Young would have had an undetectable viral load. For those of you who don’t know how human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) works, the virus destroys white blood cells in your body which are used to fight infections, with a compromised immune system the chances of acquiring additional infectious diseases are high as are the chances of having extremely bad cases of those infectious diseases increasing your chance of death from things like pneumonia, or in a lot of HIV to AIDS progression cases kaposi’s sarcoma which is a type of cancer. 

The success of antiretroviral treatments is measured by how low of a viral load a person has (think of it like measuring how much HIV you have in you). Viral load is measured through blood work. When the viral load is low enough it becomes undetectable and when a person is undetectable they are untransmittable (U = U) meaning they cannot give HIV to their sexual partner. The U = U campaign didn’t really take off until 2016, so it is still entirely possible that had Young been undetectable at the time that he still would not know that he could not transmit the virus to Gyu-ho. But he never got a blood test. 

All of which is an extremely long winded way of saying that Gyu-ho had infrequent success at remaining erect while wearing a condom resulting in infrequent penetrative sexual encounters with Young because the best way to prevent transmission of HIV is through condom usage. But The King of Kings of Avoidant Personalities sent Gyu-ho to his first blood test and withdrew his job application and essentially forced Gyu-ho to break up with him rather than get the second blood test. So it is likely, and honestly very highly likely that any concerns Young had about the lack of sex he and Gyu-ho were having could have been solved by Young getting his bloodwork done and keeping an eye on his viral load. 

This of course also assumes that Young is keeping up with pretty meticulously with his treatment regimen, which he most likely is not. Inconsistent medication adherence not only makes it more likely that Young’s viral load would never reach undetectable levels, but also increases his risk of his HIV infection mutating and becoming resistant to antiretroviral treatments. Which is…bad.  

So let’s say that his viral load never reached undetectable levels, or they didn’t know U = U, and the condom problem still existed. Maybe it is just a western lens coming in to this, but I think with all the queer media I’ve consumed, with all the queer people I am around on a daily basis the dilemma that Young seems to be carrying around knowing that Gyu-ho wants to have sex and that his CAEP and Young’s status makes that very difficult I see and understand where the barrier comes in. But because Young never talks about anything, especially what is troubling him, there is no room to really talk about solutions to that problem. I think about relationship structures like polyamory or open relationships. I think about a number of non-penetrative ways they could have had sex or how they could have used sex toys. But again, I don’t have the cultural context to understand what gay culture is/was like in Korea, and I know these are not solutions that always work for everyone anyways.

But just like we will never know if Young was undetectable before Gyu-ho left for Shanghai, we will never know if alternative solutions to sex would have been feasible for this couple because Young whether through circumstance or his own volition is constantly trapped between a rock and a hard place. He won’t engage in open communication with Gyu-ho, he won’t be vulnerable with Gyu-ho, so he doesn’t know how the lack of sex is impacting Gyu-ho in their relationship. He doesn’t want to experience discrimination based on his HIV status and possibly lose out on a job so instead he blows up all chances of getting that job by withdrawing his application so that he doesn’t have to get tested. Not getting tested means he doesn’t have an accurate gauge of his health, which means he doesn’t have an accurate gauge of how safe it would be to have unprotected sex with Gyu-ho, which perpetuates the cycle. 

Young is running from his feelings, running from his pain, his loneliness, his fear. In Part One, Young and Jaehee started to drift apart after Young was not able to treat Jaehee’s abortion with sincerity; in Part Three, Young and Gyu-ho drift apart because Young is so scared of his HIV that he can’t even look it in the eye. He can’t even call it by its name.